Tag: Forgiveness

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A Prayer for Fathers Who Missed the Mark

A Prayer for Fathers Who Missed the Mark
By Lynette Kittle

“Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged” – Colossians 3:21

Maybe you have a father who failed you? One who let you down wasn’t around or chased you away. Because God is our Father, He takes fatherhood seriously. It’s the role He created and lives out as our heavenly Father. Sadly, there are an estimated 24.7 million children under the age of 18 living without a father at home.

There are a variety of reasons for this national fatherlessness. Culture isn’t offering many incentives for men to step up to be fathers, instead finding ways to discourage, displace, and devalue a father’s role in a child’s life. Sadly, some fathers walk away and turn their back on their kids, thinking they don’t matter or will never make a difference in their children’s lives. Some children grow up without a father because their mothers have shut them out of their kids’ lives. There are also women choosing single parenting over marriage by having babies via donors, and others creating homes with two moms. God doesn’t take this void lightly but fills it, caring deeply for the fatherless and encouraging them to look to Him as their Father to fulfill this role. As Psalm 68:5 describes, He becomes a Father to the fatherless.

Failing Fathers
Adult children often struggle with unforgiveness, anger, and disappointment towards imperfect fathers, along with severe abandonment issues, abuse, and absentee fathers. Likewise, grown individuals often struggle to move past their dad’s failures, weaknesses, and life choices that deeply affected and wounded them growing up. Imperfections range from a father who didn’t show affection or offer verbal affirmation to a dad who missed his kids’ major life events like sporting events, graduations, and much more. Yet Matthew 6:14 encourages, “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, Your heavenly Father will also forgive you.”

Fathers Afraid to Come Back
Television shows like “Long Lost Family” work to reunite estranged family members and reveal stories of fathers who are reluctant to reach out to their families, bound by shame and regret for their actions. As a result, many believe they don’t deserve a second chance or will be rejected if they try to reconnect. Although their lack of effort in contacting and restoring relationships is often seen as not caring about their families, the opposite is usually true. Many care very deeply.

Focus on the Family’s Director of Family Formation Studies, Glenn Stanton, explains, “It’s quite likely your father is aware of how he’s hurt you over the years. However, it’s likely he doesn’t know how to face it with you.” As adult children, Stanton encourages sons and daughters to bring things up, not as accusations but as issues to discuss and forgive. “It will be something he will likely appreciate, and deeply so. He will also respect your strength and leadership in bringing it to the surface.” Doing so, Stanton believes, will do a great deal in strengthening your relationship with your father and could lead to other healing conversations.

Let’s pray:

Dear Father,
Millions of adult children have grown up fatherless, meaning millions of men have also failed as fathers. Lord, so many fall short of Your plan for fathers to walk in Your ways and teach their children to love You. Help me, Father, to forgive my father for his failures and shortcomings and how he hurt and disappointed me. I also ask You to help him to receive forgiveness for his falling short in my life. Soften his heart, Lord, to turn towards you and receive forgiveness.

Let us both walk in the forgiveness You give to us. Help me forgive him for his failures in my life, and help my father to find forgiveness for how he failed me. Pour out your love over us, O Lord, to bring healing and reconciliation into our relationship. Help me to recover from the wounds of the past and to be willing to open my heart to forgive my dad for the past. Strengthen both of us to move forward to restore our broken relationship. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

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Sermon Notes – September 17, 2023 – “We Cannot Give What We Do Not Have”

“We Cannot Give What We Do Not Have”

 Father Peter Fitzgibbons

 September 16 – 17, 2023

Gospel:  Matthew 18:21-35

This sermon has been felon-approved by the folks at FU (Felon University; i.e., the prison).  Remember, I have often told you that to study scripture you have to study it in the language and culture in which events occurred.  Otherwise, you won’t understand the extreme significance of our Lord’s words.  For example, consider the question, “Lord, if my brother sins against me, how often must I forgive him? As many as seven times?”   Now, if you have a family like mine, before their number was reduced considerably, sometimes they can really tick you off.  When my brother would make me mad, I’d wonder if it was the sixth or seventh time and if I should forgive him.  But our Lord said, ‘”I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.”  Catholic school math tells me that is 490 times that I must forgive.  I could reach that number at a family reunion! 

In Aramaic, seven is a perfect number – it is zero, a perfect circle, and so it is infinite.  Our Lord said, “seventy times seven” or beyond infinity.  Why did He use that language?  Because while most modern languages today have comparative and superlative tenses, Aramaic and Hebrew did not at the time.  Remember when spies were sent to the Promised Land?  When they came back, they said that the people there were as numerous as grasshoppers and as tall as giants.   No, they weren’t.   There were just so many people that the spies couldn’t count them all, and the people were huge.  When Jesus fed the 5,000, not counting women and children, do you think the apostles were doing a head count?  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7. . .   No.   It’s like when the diocese asks how many people were at church.  Well, the church was full, so there were 300.   The numbers are hyperbole. . . a number beyond counting.   

Our Lord used that hyperbolic phrase, “seventy times seventy” because that is how great God’s mercy is.  God’s nature is mercy and love.  So to deny everlasting mercy would be to deny Himself.   No matter how badly you think you’ve sinned, He absolutely forgives and forgets.  The only thing God cannot forgive is our not asking for forgiveness because He will not violate our free will.  We can keep things to ourselves although He already knows.  So, don’t think you are keeping anything from Him.  It is our choice to love Him or not.  Receiving His mercy is one of the greatest experiences of God’s love.  And that experience of God’s love enables us, as Saint John Paul II said, to go from the Sacrament of Penance which is the Sacrament of His mercy and love to the Sacrament of Holy Communion and Mass.  We can have a deeper appreciation, bond, and love for the Sacrament of Penance which leads to other Sacraments.  When someone says, “Father, I don’t need to go to confession,” I tell them that they also don’t need Holy Communion.  “What do you mean, Father?”   Did I stutter?  (My new favorite phrase.)  Then I ask a series of questions.  Who do you see in Holy Communion?  “Jesus Christ.”  Very good.  Who is Jesus Christ?  “The Savior.”   What does He save you from?  “Sin.”  And if you have no sins, you don’t need Mass and you don’t need to receive Holy Communion.   We all need a Savior. 

We cannot give what we do not have.  Likewise, we cannot forgive others if we have not experienced forgiveness.  Because of our diminished intellect and fallen nature, we tend to judge our spiritual nature by our feelings.  When we are called to forgive others, we might say, “I don’t feel like forgiving that person.”   However, Jesus used a declarative sentence when He said, “Forgive.”  Nowhere in the Gospels did He ever ask, “How do you feel about that?”   Our Lord doesn’t care how you feel.  Forgiveness is an act of the will.  Our feelings are diminished and don’t always lead us in the right direction.  The right thing to do goes beyond our feelings and inclinations.   When I eat fish – Eugh! –  I do not feel like eating fish!  I hate fish!!  Damn doctors!   But I have to eat it.  Did the doctor ask if I like fish?  No!   Did he tell me to eat it?  Yes.  Quack!   For many years, I thought bacon was a health food.  God really has a way of laughing at us.  But eating fish is the right thing to do, so I reluctantly choke it down. 

Our Lord gave us a way to deal with all those feelings and resentments we have for others.  He said, “Pray for them.”  Pray for those who hate and persecute you.  One, they may be wrong; and two, they may be right, and we really are jerks.   Who knows.  But we pray for them, and we pray for ourselves so that we can get our distorted feelings and emotions back in check.  People say, “Father, you must hear lots of juicy things during confessions.”  Not really.  After the first week of hearing confessions, it’s like being stoned to death with popcorn.  If you have a sin I’ve never heard, I’ll name it after you.  Some people come to confession very upset, and I ask them what they have done.  “Well, I did this.”  Sometimes the hardest thing about hearing confessions is not laughing.   Really?  You are definitely pole-vaulting over mouse droppings here.   But what I hear while being stoned to death with popcorn is their great love.  I hear what people say and what they don’t say.  They realize they have sinned and have cut themselves off from God’s love.  They love God and want to come back and open their souls up to receive God’s love.  That’s what I hear, and I really do listen.  You aren’t going to sneak one in on me.  “Father, I talk cruelly to my dog and my cat.  I did some speeding.  I killed two people and umm…”  Whoa!  That’s called an Oreo confession.  But besides that, I hear the love for God.  And that’s what priests are listening for.

Father’s Reflections . . .

On Friday, I was doing my ACLS or CPR recertification, and I was working on a very expensive and sophisticated mannequin that would tell me if I needed to go deeper, faster, slower, or move my hands.  And all of a sudden, the mannequin went “de-de-de Woo-Bunk” and completely shut down.     So, I did the only thing I could . . . I pulled the sheet up over the mannequin, turned out the light, and closed the door as I left.  I’m a hospital chaplain; I’ve done this before.

How will you apply this message to your life?  ________________________________________

You can read all of Father Fitzgibbons’ sermons by going to annunciationcatholicalbemarle.com and clicking on “Blog” then “Categories” then “Sermon Notes.”  On a cell phone: click on “Blog” and then “Menu.”  Scroll to the bottom and click on “Categories.”  Sermon Notes are also available on the Church’s Facebook page at ola.catholic.church.  Click on “Groups” and then “Sermon Notes.”

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The Catechism in a Year – Day 199 – The Sacrament of Forgiveness


Together, with Fr. Mike, we continue our examination of the sacrament of Reconciliation. Specifically, we explore the origins and structure of the sacrament that we use today. Fr. Mike emphasizes that although some of the ways we celebrate the sacrament of Reconciliation have changed, the essential elements have always remained the same. He also explores the importance of understanding the differences between perfect and imperfect contrition. Today’s readings are Catechism paragraphs 1446-1454.

Click on link to play video: https://youtu.be/Ti8Udi38ks8

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Minute Meditation – The Grace of Forgiveness

“In God’s will, there is great peace.”—St. Josephine Bakhita 

For many years, Josephine Bakhita was a slave, but her spirit was always free, and eventually that spirit prevailed. Given what she endured, we would understand if St. Josephine had harbored anger and resentment toward those who enslaved her. She chose, however, to move beyond the hurts she had suffered and work to help others.

What are some things in your life you are holding on to that are weighing on your heart?

Take some time to ponder why you are holding on to those experiences or emotions. What are you searching for that is keeping you from moving forward? Is it peace, acceptance, forgiveness?

 —From the book Guided by the Saints: A 30-Day Journal for Inspiration and Direction 
by Susan Hines-Brigger

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The Key to Forgiveness

“Does forgiveness work? It’s a great question. Forgiveness is one of the hardest things in the world I find. It might come easier to you, but I struggle. And I suppose it depends on what you are trying to forgive. If it’s something you don’t care so much about, it pretty easy to forgive. But when you have been deeply hurt, horrendously wounded, monumentally betrayed, it can be incredibly difficult to forgive.

And the thing is, this isn’t theoretical. If you live long enough, you will be deeply hurt, horrendously wounded, and monumentally betrayed… and possibly many times.

So, as hard as forgiveness is sometimes, it raises one question in my practical mind. Does it work? Because if we can be convinced that it works, it will be easier to do that hard work to follow through.

Does forgiveness work? Yes, but it is critically important to keep one thing in mind. Forgiveness doesn’t change the past, it changes the future.

I’ll say it one more time, forgiveness doesn’t change the past, it changes the future. So, if you want your future to be better than your past, different to your past, more peaceful and less bitter and resentful, it might be time to think about who you need to forgive and what you need to forgive them for. Because the other thing I have learned about forgiveness over the years is that our need to forgive is usually greater than their need to be forgiven.

There is no future without forgiveness. That’s true in a relationship, in a family, in a community, on a team, it’s true for a nation, and it’s true for humanity. There is no future without forgiveness.”

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Minute Meditation – The Grace of Forgiveness

“In God’s will, there is great peace.”—St. Josephine Bakhita

For many years, Josephine Bakhita was a slave, but her spirit was always free, and eventually that spirit prevailed. Given what she endured, we would understand if St. Josephine had harbored anger and resentment toward those who enslaved her. She chose, however, to move beyond the hurts she had suffered and work to help others.

What are some things in your life you are holding on to that are weighing on your heart?

Take some time to ponder why you are holding on to those experiences or emotions. What are you searching for that is keeping you from moving forward? Is it peace, acceptance, forgiveness?

—From the book Guided by the Saints: A 30-Day Journal for Inspiration and Direction

by Susan Hines-Brigger

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Minute Meditation – Jesus Never Promised Success

At no point in the Gospel does Jesus tell us that if we follow him our lives will be filled with success or that people will like us for it. Quite the contrary, actually! We follow a man who came to share the love of God with the world through healing and forgiveness, but was rejected by the religious elite, betrayed by his closest friends, and murdered as a common criminal. This is not simply Jesus’s fate many years ago, but ours today. “Take up your crosses daily,” he tells us. While there is nothing wrong with hoping for success in our lives, our faith is destined for problems if it becomes an expectation we cannot live without. The road of discipleship is filled with failure; if we demand that our lives be successful, we won’t make it very far.

—from the book Let Go: Seven Stumbling Blocks to Christian Discipleship
by Casey Cole, OFM, page 28