How do you measure your life? It’s good to weigh our lives from time to time. It ensures we are not wasting our one short life. But there are so many ways to measure a life: success, family and relationships, career, money, status, stuff, education, popularity, integrity, happiness, adventure, health.
What measuring stick do you use to assess your life? Here’s a perspective I had never considered.
A Polish Holocaust survivor once told Warren Buffet, ‘’Warren, I’m very slow to make friends, because when I look at people, the question I ask is: Would they hide me?’’
There is no perfect way to measure our lives. But these two questions are worth considering:
If you were in trouble, being hunted unjustly, how many people do you know who would risk their lives to hide you? And the second question, how many people would you be willing to hide?
You cannot live a meaningful life by filling your life with meaningless things and activities.
The secret to living a meaningful life is to strip away everything that is meaningless. Strip away anything that is trivial or unnecessary and everything left will be meaningful.
If living a meaningful life depends on filling our lives with meaningful activity, ask yourself: Who are the people, things, and activities that help you weed out the meaningless from the meaningful.
Who helps you prioritize what matters most and gives you the courage to say no to what matters least?
We say we want to live more meaningful lives, but we keep saying yes to meaningless things. Start saying no to meaningless things.
Fill your life with meaningful relationships, experiences, work, and things… and your life will become more meaningful.
“I learned very early about questions nobody should ever ask anybody. When I was a child, it seemed once a week someone would ask my mother, what do you do all day? Because she didn’t work outside the home, even though they knew she was raising eight boys. The questions we ask tend to quickly reveal how smart we are or how lacking we are in emotional intelligence.
Here are 10 questions to delete permanently from your vocabulary:
1. Are you on a diet? 2. Is that your real job? 3. Why don’t you have children? 4. Have you gained weight? 5. Don’t you feel embarrassed about doing that? 6. Why didn’t you invite me? 7. Are you really going to wear that? 8. What are you so angry about? 9. Why are you still single? 10. Do you know how many calories are in that?
The quality of a relationship can be measured by the quality of the questions that pass between two people. By asking people questions, we gain unique insight into who they are, what matters to them, and what they know more about than anything else in the world. Every person is fascinating when asked the right questions. Don’t waste your questions.”
“There are some things that we should simply never say. Some because they will accomplish the exact opposite of what you are hoping to accomplish. Nobody ever calmed down after being told to calm down in the midst of a disagreement, for example. Other things are better off not said because they are rude or obnoxious. And finally, some things are just none of our business.
Here are 9 things to delete permanently from your vocabulary:
1. Relax. 2. Everything will be okay. 3. I told you so. 4. This should be easy. 5. Get over it. 6. Are you really going to eat that? 7. You’re insane. 8. Why are you still single. 9. You look tired. 10. (And of course) Calm down. Maurice Switzer observed, “It is better to remain silent at the risk of being thought a fool, than to talk and remove all doubt of it.” Just because there is an awkward silence doesn’t mean you have to fill it.”
“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but from time to time, people do stupid things. Ahhhh, you have noticed. We scratch our heads and wonder: Why would anybody do something so stupid? Don’t they know that’s going make them miserable?
The answers are simple and surprising. No, they don’t know it’s going to make them miserable. People don’t wake up in the morning and think to themselves: “I wonder how I can make myself really miserable today?” Quite the opposite, in fact. People do stupid things because they mistakenly believe those stupid things will make them happy.
And of course, sometimes, you and I, are those people. So, what stupid thing are you thinking about doing? What stupid thing are you already doing hoping it will make you happy?
You are on a quest for happiness. We often pretend we don’t know what will make us happy, but it’s not true either/ the truth is, you know exactly what will make you happy.
Let’s take a look at the things you know will make you happy (in Part Two of this Series).”
One day when I was at Fort Campbell, I went into the First Sergeant’s office to say, “good morning.” The First Sergeant said, “Good morning. Hey Sir, you know your chaplain’s assistant is graduating from air assault school. His road march is on Friday.” Oh, goodie! Thanks for reminding me. I appreciate it! I left his office, but I didn’t appreciate it. It meant that on Friday at 0-dark-30, I would be out there for graduation and the final test: a 12-mile march in full field gear through gently rolling hills similar to the Alps. The custom at Fort Campbell and the 101st is that if there is one person in your section doing push-ups or a road march, you all do it. The only saving grace is that I didn’t have to wear the field gear. Oh, there is nothing I’d rather do first thing in the morning than go on a 12-mile march at 44 years old. Thank you, First Sergeant! I probably could have gotten out of it, but I sucked it up and went anyway. I was looking forward to the relaxation and being one with Mother Nature. Um…No. I would be running with children who basically had to run all the time. Why did we do it? We sacrificed to build and reinforce the bond of trust we have with our fellow soldiers…the band of brothers. Is it pleasant? Oh, heck no! But it was the right thing to do. They are works of love. The bond with your fellow soldier is that he would die for you and you for him. Works of love don’t always have to be enjoyed. Why do we perform works of love? We do them because it pleases the beloved.
Our Lord said, “If you love Me keep my Commandments.” Nowhere did our Lord say, “if you would like to” or “if it’s convenient” or “if you aren’t too busy” or “if you’re in the mood.” He never said those things. He said, “If you love Me keep my Commandments.” The Commandments are not just draconian measures that our Lord has given us to ruin our fun. The works of love teach us how to go outside of ourselves, to renounce our fallen nature, and to do something for Him. It may manifest itself in someone or through someone else. Everything we do with love; we do for Christ. Doing works of love is not always pleasant. Do you know why some people find the works of love unpleasant? Because we are too much in love with ourselves. The works of love are always focused on the beloved and not on self. The Gift of the Magi is a short love story written by O. Henry. Love is always focused on the other, and when we find the works of love inconvenient, unpleasant, or distasteful, that is the time we grow most in love by dying to ourselves and living more for our good Lord. “Father, I had a game and couldn’t come to Mass.” Really? Saint Augustine wrote that “if there is any work involved in love, the work itself is love.” And that is true. The young man who approached our good Lord was unwilling to leave everything and follow Him. Our Lord was testing him. How much do you love Me? The young man kept the Commandments and that was wonderful; however, he did not learn the lesson from them. What is the lesson from the Ten Commandments? It is total renunciation of oneself to the Beloved. That’s the lesson. Go sell everything you have. Give to the poor. Your possessions are a representation of yourself. Give everything you have into service for our good Lord to use as He sees fit. All the fruits of your talents and labors when used to support your family are works of justice and love. So don’t feel bad about that. People say you cannot earn a lot of money from the job you’ve worked at for 30 or 40 years. You can’t enjoy it because you didn’t earn it. It’s a work of justice and moral obligation to support yourself and your family and ultimately to pay taxes. Put yourself and all your talents and abilities in God’s hands. Renounce yourself and give yourself to Him. The young man did not see that. Hopefully, he eventually got it right.
You’ve heard the phrase “follow the science.” Who says that? People who want you to follow their version of “science.” You know what the science is for people recovering from any addiction? No matter how much medicine is involved, make sure they come back from Opioids, Meth, or booze, and that they don’t die from detox. That’s a big drawback. In all the twelve-step programs, what’s the key to renewal and freedom from addictions and obsessions? It begins with Step 1 which is perhaps the most important step – admitting that we are powerless. The final step is to have a spiritual awakening. There is a Seventh Step prayer…I’ll let you look that up too. It’s a prayer of total renunciation. In all the groups that started these types of programs what was the first prayer? It wasn’t the “Our Father” but the “Peace Prayer” by Saint Francis. “Lord make me an instrument of Your peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love.” That’s a renunciation of self. Take me and use me as you will with all my talents especially where it is most helpful for people who know my faults. It’s through your faults that shows people what God has done for you and the mercy he has shown to us all. We do works of love not for ourselves because it pleases us…that’s selfishness. The Commandments aren’t legal checkmarks you have to do like driving the speed limit when the police are around. The Commandments are works of love. They teach us renunciation of self. They are only burdensome when we want what we want when we want it, or we find them to be inconvenient because we love ourselves more. They are not always convenient. They are not always pleasant. I’m sure changing diapers is not always pleasant. I’ve been in hospitals. Believe me, there are far worse smells in a hospital than in a diaper. Trust me on this one. Sometimes I leave patients’ rooms and have Skittles. Know why I have Skittles? Because I like Skittles.
We all have fallen natures. Just this morning I was here, long before you, saying my prayers. And I really wanted some coffee. I mean I REALLY wanted coffee. The coffee had already been brewed. But what was more important… my cup of coffee or my prayers? You know the answer, but darn it, I wanted some coffee. Today, the good side of my nature won, but it’s always a fight. So, when difficulties come, always remember Who the works of love are for.
Father’s Afterthoughts:
· I want to thank the Daughters of Mary for the marvelous meal they provided after the funeral Mass for Elaine Gibbs. The funeral luncheons they do is something to die for.
· When I was in the Army, I always loved those eight mile runs in the rain. It was so refreshing and cleansing. Thank you, sir. Could you make this suck any more?
How will you apply this message to your life?
You can read all of Father Fitzgibbons’ sermons by going to https://annunciationcatholicalbemarle.com/ and clicking on “Blog” then “Categories” and then “Sermon Notes.” Sermon notes can also be found on the church Facebook page by searching for “Facebook Our Lady of the Annunciation Albemarle”
This is the Franciscan challenge in our own time: contemplative seeing, affective response, practical help, and sustained assistance as the way of restoring God’s house which is falling into ruins. It is Jesus’s own prescription for learning to love. In contemplative prayer we learn to love God who created all things and made them our brothers and sisters. And when we begin to see others for what they are in God’s eyes, we are moved to compassion. And when we then reach out to those of our brothers and sisters in distress, the love of God becomes the love of others, all of whom are beloved of God.
