Forgiving someone who has hurt us is one of the hardest things God requires us to do. And yet, He forgave me. And He forgave you. When I stop and think about God’s mercy and grace – forgiveness so undeserved, but so lavishly given to me – it helps me extend it to others. Not always without struggle. Not always without many tears and much anger. Not always as soon as I should. Not always as completely as I should. Sometimes it is me on bent knees praying honestly and begrudgingly – “But Lord, they . . .” to which I always hear God’s gentle reply: “I know, My Child. Forgive them anyway.” Our Father knows just how very hard forgiveness is. He knows first hand the cost of forgiveness. He understands the wrong done to us, the pain inflicted, the wound left behind. And He wants to bring healing. This is what forgiveness does. It doesn’t excuse the wrong. It doesn’t pretend nothing happened. Forgiveness acknowledges the hurt and then, by the grace of God (how could you without it?) chooses to extend grace. As forgiveness floods over us, it washes away bitterness and anger. Maybe not all at once, but definitely over time. Sometimes (just being honest) you have to choose to forgive over and over again. But given enough time and given enough grace even the deepest wounds can be healed. “But Lord, they . . .” “I know, My Child. Forgive them anyway.” He did it for us. With His Spirit at work in us and through us, we can do it, too.~❤ ~Stacy L. Sanchez
As Catholics, we believe in the forgiveness of our sins through the graces of the Sacrament of Reconciliation. We know God forgives us. Why do we sometimes struggle to forgive ourselves for our past faults and failings? Sharing insight into the main reason why we struggle to let go of the past, Fr. Mike offers encouragement and support.
Forgiving those who have hurt us is a challenging call. Fr. Mike explains what it means to “forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.” We learn that forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thing and that we can transform our hurt into intercession with God’s grace. We ask the Lord to soften our hearts so that they may remain open to loving and forgiving others. Today’s readings are Catechism paragraphs 2838-2845.
A Prayer for Fathers Who Missed the Mark By Lynette Kittle
“Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged” – Colossians 3:21
Maybe you have a father who failed you? One who let you down wasn’t around or chased you away. Because God is our Father, He takes fatherhood seriously. It’s the role He created and lives out as our heavenly Father. Sadly, there are an estimated 24.7 million children under the age of 18 living without a father at home.
There are a variety of reasons for this national fatherlessness. Culture isn’t offering many incentives for men to step up to be fathers, instead finding ways to discourage, displace, and devalue a father’s role in a child’s life. Sadly, some fathers walk away and turn their back on their kids, thinking they don’t matter or will never make a difference in their children’s lives. Some children grow up without a father because their mothers have shut them out of their kids’ lives. There are also women choosing single parenting over marriage by having babies via donors, and others creating homes with two moms. God doesn’t take this void lightly but fills it, caring deeply for the fatherless and encouraging them to look to Him as their Father to fulfill this role. As Psalm 68:5 describes, He becomes a Father to the fatherless.
Failing Fathers Adult children often struggle with unforgiveness, anger, and disappointment towards imperfect fathers, along with severe abandonment issues, abuse, and absentee fathers. Likewise, grown individuals often struggle to move past their dad’s failures, weaknesses, and life choices that deeply affected and wounded them growing up. Imperfections range from a father who didn’t show affection or offer verbal affirmation to a dad who missed his kids’ major life events like sporting events, graduations, and much more. Yet Matthew 6:14 encourages, “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, Your heavenly Father will also forgive you.”
Fathers Afraid to Come Back Television shows like “Long Lost Family” work to reunite estranged family members and reveal stories of fathers who are reluctant to reach out to their families, bound by shame and regret for their actions. As a result, many believe they don’t deserve a second chance or will be rejected if they try to reconnect. Although their lack of effort in contacting and restoring relationships is often seen as not caring about their families, the opposite is usually true. Many care very deeply.
Focus on the Family’s Director of Family Formation Studies, Glenn Stanton, explains, “It’s quite likely your father is aware of how he’s hurt you over the years. However, it’s likely he doesn’t know how to face it with you.” As adult children, Stanton encourages sons and daughters to bring things up, not as accusations but as issues to discuss and forgive. “It will be something he will likely appreciate, and deeply so. He will also respect your strength and leadership in bringing it to the surface.” Doing so, Stanton believes, will do a great deal in strengthening your relationship with your father and could lead to other healing conversations.
Let’s pray:
Dear Father, Millions of adult children have grown up fatherless, meaning millions of men have also failed as fathers. Lord, so many fall short of Your plan for fathers to walk in Your ways and teach their children to love You. Help me, Father, to forgive my father for his failures and shortcomings and how he hurt and disappointed me. I also ask You to help him to receive forgiveness for his falling short in my life. Soften his heart, Lord, to turn towards you and receive forgiveness.
Let us both walk in the forgiveness You give to us. Help me forgive him for his failures in my life, and help my father to find forgiveness for how he failed me. Pour out your love over us, O Lord, to bring healing and reconciliation into our relationship. Help me to recover from the wounds of the past and to be willing to open my heart to forgive my dad for the past. Strengthen both of us to move forward to restore our broken relationship. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
This sermon has been felon-approved by the folks at FU (Felon University; i.e., the prison). Remember, I have often told you that to study scripture you have to study it in the language and culture in which events occurred. Otherwise, you won’t understand the extreme significance of our Lord’s words. For example, consider the question, “Lord, if my brother sins against me, how often must I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Now, if you have a family like mine, before their number was reduced considerably, sometimes they can really tick you off. When my brother would make me mad, I’d wonder if it was the sixth or seventh time and if I should forgive him. But our Lord said, ‘”I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.” Catholic school math tells me that is 490 times that I must forgive. I could reach that number at a family reunion!
In Aramaic, seven is a perfect number – it is zero, a perfect circle, and so it is infinite. Our Lord said, “seventy times seven” or beyond infinity. Why did He use that language? Because while most modern languages today have comparative and superlative tenses, Aramaic and Hebrew did not at the time. Remember when spies were sent to the Promised Land? When they came back, they said that the people there were as numerous as grasshoppers and as tall as giants. No, they weren’t. There were just so many people that the spies couldn’t count them all, and the people were huge. When Jesus fed the 5,000, not counting women and children, do you think the apostles were doing a head count? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7. . . No. It’s like when the diocese asks how many people were at church. Well, the church was full, so there were 300. The numbers are hyperbole. . . a number beyond counting.
Our Lord used that hyperbolic phrase, “seventy times seventy” because that is how great God’s mercy is. God’s nature is mercy and love. So to deny everlasting mercy would be to deny Himself. No matter how badly you think you’ve sinned, He absolutely forgives and forgets. The only thing God cannot forgive is our not asking for forgiveness because He will not violate our free will. We can keep things to ourselves although He already knows. So, don’t think you are keeping anything from Him. It is our choice to love Him or not. Receiving His mercy is one of the greatest experiences of God’s love. And that experience of God’s love enables us, as Saint John Paul II said, to go from the Sacrament of Penance which is the Sacrament of His mercy and love to the Sacrament of Holy Communion and Mass. We can have a deeper appreciation, bond, and love for the Sacrament of Penance which leads to other Sacraments. When someone says, “Father, I don’t need to go to confession,” I tell them that they also don’t need Holy Communion. “What do you mean, Father?” Did I stutter? (My new favorite phrase.) Then I ask a series of questions. Who do you see in Holy Communion? “Jesus Christ.” Very good. Who is Jesus Christ? “The Savior.” What does He save you from? “Sin.” And if you have no sins, you don’t need Mass and you don’t need to receive Holy Communion. We all need a Savior.
We cannot give what we do not have. Likewise, we cannot forgive others if we have not experienced forgiveness. Because of our diminished intellect and fallen nature, we tend to judge our spiritual nature by our feelings. When we are called to forgive others, we might say, “I don’t feel like forgiving that person.” However, Jesus used a declarative sentence when He said, “Forgive.” Nowhere in the Gospels did He ever ask, “How do you feel about that?” Our Lord doesn’t care how you feel. Forgiveness is an act of the will. Our feelings are diminished and don’t always lead us in the right direction. The right thing to do goes beyond our feelings and inclinations. When I eat fish – Eugh! – I do not feel like eating fish! I hate fish!! Damn doctors! But I have to eat it. Did the doctor ask if I like fish? No! Did he tell me to eat it? Yes. Quack! For many years, I thought bacon was a health food. God really has a way of laughing at us. But eating fish is the right thing to do, so I reluctantly choke it down.
Our Lord gave us a way to deal with all those feelings and resentments we have for others. He said, “Pray for them.” Pray for those who hate and persecute you. One, they may be wrong; and two, they may be right, and we really are jerks. Who knows. But we pray for them, and we pray for ourselves so that we can get our distorted feelings and emotions back in check. People say, “Father, you must hear lots of juicy things during confessions.” Not really. After the first week of hearing confessions, it’s like being stoned to death with popcorn. If you have a sin I’ve never heard, I’ll name it after you. Some people come to confession very upset, and I ask them what they have done. “Well, I did this.” Sometimes the hardest thing about hearing confessions is not laughing. Really? You are definitely pole-vaulting over mouse droppings here. But what I hear while being stoned to death with popcorn is their great love. I hear what people say and what they don’t say. They realize they have sinned and have cut themselves off from God’s love. They love God and want to come back and open their souls up to receive God’s love. That’s what I hear, and I really do listen. You aren’t going to sneak one in on me. “Father, I talk cruelly to my dog and my cat. I did some speeding. I killed two people and umm…” Whoa! That’s called an Oreo confession. But besides that, I hear the love for God. And that’s what priests are listening for.
Father’s Reflections . . .
On Friday, I was doing my ACLS or CPR recertification, and I was working on a very expensive and sophisticated mannequin that would tell me if I needed to go deeper, faster, slower, or move my hands. And all of a sudden, the mannequin went “de-de-de Woo-Bunk” and completely shut down. So, I did the only thing I could . . . I pulled the sheet up over the mannequin, turned out the light, and closed the door as I left. I’m a hospital chaplain; I’ve done this before.
How will you apply this message to your life? ________________________________________
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