The touch of Jesus. How it burned! And how sweet the sensation of this love in its searing penetration. Francis lay upon the cold ground of his hut at St. Mary of the Angels and felt nothing but the touch of Jesus in his feet and hands and side.
He would die with the brothers witnessing the way a traveler with Jesus dies. Poor. Broken in body. Radiant in the light of the Spirit glowing from his eyes and from the marks of Jesus’ touch. And the peace of his departing would seal the genuineness of their own vocations as Lesser Brothers of the Lord.
To be real at the end. In that the brothers would be sure they were also authentically on the road with Jesus. They need only persevere as Francis had and Christ Himself would touch them with his perfect Peace.
He looked around the hut and prayed for everyone he saw dimly standing above him and for the Lady Clare and her sisters. The Dream was theirs, the Journey lay before them.
In the long days and longer nights before the Dream came true, Francis wondered if the Journey he had set upon would really bring him to his destination. When he was a boy, every trip he took out beyond the walls of Assisi brought him to some place where he could say, “I’m here in this place; I have arrived.” But this Journey was different. It pointed to the very roots of Christ’s own life. Its end was somewhere in the real meaning of Jesus’ words. It was a trip backward to the literal gospel life and forward into the Kingdom and inward to the heart where dwelled the Trinity. And you could never say, “I have arrived.” It was a Journey of decisions as radical as the gospel itself. At every fork in the road, there was a narrow, difficult way and a wide, easy way to travel. And Francis was continually surprised with the paradoxical joy that the harder road would bring, time after time. Still, at every road the easier way attracted him with almost hypnotic persuasion.
The scope of every life is indeed defined by the questions we choose to live into, and if we are blessed to live long enough, we will inevitably end up shaped like a question mark. Since quest is also the start of every question, it is questions, not answers, that are the surest guideposts for any journey of faith—which necessarily means moving into the unknowable. Always trust the open, heartfelt question that lays bare the soul to unknowing.
Whether they are simplistic or sophisticated, handle answers with care, for they often reflect and display, for all the world to see, the broad sweep of our ignorance. Perhaps, for this reason, wisdom teachers use stories, ballads, parables, or poems. Such lyrical musings open spaces for fresh appreciations and diverse perspectives. They foster fascination and expose imagination to wider fields of understanding, laced with mystery, which always leads us down and out to face yet another, more penetrating question.
Francis’s long journey into God was, at each step along the way, punctuated by learning again and again another truth that St. Augustine articulates at the beginning of his Confessions: “You have made us for You and our heart is restless until it finds its rest in You.” It was a journey that involved learning to love anew the things of creation, his love constantly being purified by the overarching love of God. It was like a return to the Garden of Eden seeking again and again to restore the Paradise humans had so cavalierly destroyed. The journey forward into God is a journey backward to an original innocence we never fully recover but where a sort of semi-paradise happens when love turns into charity. This is the highest of all loves, which Christ defined as the love of God and the love of neighbor, the total love of God leading to true love of neighbor and the true love of neighbor leading to the love of God.
The genius of the biblical revelation is that it doesn’t just give us the conclusions; it gives us both the process of getting there and the inner and outer authority to trust that process. Life itself—and Scripture too—is always three steps forward and two steps backward. It gets the point and then loses it or doubts it. In that, the biblical text mirrors our own human consciousness and journey. Our job is to see where the three-steps-forward texts are heading (invariably toward mercy, forgiveness, inclusion, nonviolence, and trust), which gives us the ability to clearly recognize and understand the two-steps-backward texts (which are usually about vengeance, divine pettiness, law over grace, form over substance, and technique over relationship). This is what we cannot discern if we have no inner experience of how God works in our own lives!
We are told that in the beginning there was light. Ever since, all of God’s creation—plants, animals, we humans—are drawn to light. As we emerged from our mothers’ wombs and pushed our way through a dark and confining birth canal, we experienced light for the very first time. We have come to learn how light sustains us and calls us to life. We call Jesus “Light of the World,” and he invites us to be light for one another in ways of loving, caring, and serving. Without this light, ours would be a dark, fearful, oppressive journey.
Move from contemplation to action and probe for inner wisdom. What kind of light do others see in you? Do you have enough light to see your way? How do you fill the oil in your lamp? Who needs you today to bring a bit of sunshine into their life? As you generously share your light, give thanks and praise in knowing and treasuring all that is gift.
“This is the difference between a journey on earth, and that which leads to Heaven. For in the former, not only may we stop without fear of going backward, but rest is necessary that we may sustain our strength to the journey’s end; however, in the latter journey which leads to perfection, our growth in strength is proportionate to our advance, inasmuch as the inferior appetites which throw all possible obstacles in our path to Heaven, grow gradually weaker while our good inclinations acquire new strength. Thus as we advance in piety, our early difficulties fade into the background, and a certain delight, with which God sweetens the bitterness of this life, increases in our souls. Going cheerfully on from virtue to virtue, we finally reach the summit of the mountain.” — Dom Lorenzo Scupoli, pp. 117-18
Questions had lured me to take this pilgrimage to Assisi. Not only questions related to the lectures I would be giving to my fellow pilgrims in Assisi but questions about my own vocation and service. At retirement age, but still professionally active, healthy, and vital, I felt a new stirring. Francis’s life challenged me to look beyond the narrow circle of self-interest to embrace a vision of world loyalty that would encompass my family and the nation
but expand to include the whole earth. I needed to translate my love for my grandchildren into care for vulnerable, starving, and imprisoned children across the globe and in my own nation. I needed to chart a way of life that would promote planetary healing for generations to come.
I needed to journey inward to build the foundation of the outward journey of faithful discipleship and ministry. I needed to reach out to the marginalized and forgotten from a quiet and energetic spiritual center. It was important for me to find the right balance between restlessness and peace, prophetic critique and conciliatory healing.
1) The tax collectors and sinners were all drawing near to listen to him, 2) but the Pharisees and scribes began to complain, saying, “This man welcomes sinners and eats with them.” 3) So to them he addressed this parable 11) Then he said, “A man had two sons, 12) and the younger son said to his father, ‘Father, give me the share of your estate that should come to me.’ So the father divided the property between them. 13) After a few days, the younger son collected all his belongings and set off to a distant country where he squandered his inheritance on a life of dissipation. 14) When he had freely spent everything, a severe famine struck that country, and he found himself in dire need. 15) So he hired himself out to one of the local citizens who sent him to his farm to tend the swine. 16) And he longed to eat his fill of the pods on which the swine fed, but nobody gave him any. 17) Coming to his senses he thought, ‘How many of my father’s hired workers have more than enough food to eat, but here am I, dying from hunger. 18) I shall get up and go to my father and I shall say to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. 19) I no longer deserve to be called your son; treat me as you would treat one of your hired workers.” 20) So he got up and went back to his father. While he was still a long way off, his father caught sight of him, and was filled with compassion. He ran to his son, embraced him and kissed him. 21) His son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you; I no longer deserve to be called your son. 22) But his father ordered his servants, ‘Quickly bring the finest robe and put it on him; put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. 23) Take the fattened calf and slaughter it. Then let us celebrate with a feast, 24) because this son of mine was dead, and has come to life again; he was lost, and has been found.’ Then the celebration began. 25) Now the older son had been out in the field and, on his way back, as he neared the house, he heard the sound of music and dancing. 26) He called one of the servants and asked what this might mean. 27) The servant said to him, ‘Your brother has returned and your father has slaughtered the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.’ 28) He became angry, and when he refused to enter the house, his father came out and pleaded with him. 29) He said to his father in reply, ‘Look, all these years I served you and not once did I disobey your orders; yet you never gave me even a young goat to feast on with my friends. 30) But when your son returns who swallowed up your property with prostitutes, for him you slaughter the fattened calf.’ 31) He said to him, ‘My son, you are here with me always; everything I have is yours. 32) But now we must celebrate and rejoice, because your brother was dead and has come to life again; he was lost and has been found.’”
On April 29th, I will be going home to Rhode Island. As I get close to home, I am filled with anticipation. When the plane nears the airport, I try to identify the seven islands, buildings, and other landmarks. I’m excited about seeing my loved ones: chicken parmesan, steak fries, and Dunkin Doughnuts.
We all want to go the heaven, our eternal home, but we don’t look forward to the trip. I’m not looking forward to the journey either. Death is unnatural. We were never meant to die, but, because of the sin of our original parents, it is something we all must face. However, as we grow in love for God, our fear of death subsides. We need to focus on the destination and anticipate seeing our Lord. Once in heaven, we will be reunited with our loved ones who have gone before, and we can work on those left behind so that they can join us.
Most of us don’t realize how close to death we are. We don’t know when it will come, so we need to constantly prepare ourselves. How? By going to Confession. That’s where we receive the Savior and the joy of His love. Some people are afraid to go. That is the sin of pride. Others think they will shock me. Believe me, you couldn’t tell me anything I haven’t heard before. Hearing confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn. Have you committed the sin of bestiality? Are you a Marine? A Paratrooper? Did you marry your 14-year old first cousin? No? Thinking that your sin is so grievous that nobody has ever committed it is false humility. At the other extreme are those who think they haven’t done anything wrong. Well, it is nice to meet you, Mary.
How will you apply this message to your life? Death will come for all of us…how will you prepare for yours? Will you go to Confession at least every three months or more often if needed? Will you grow in your faith and love for God so that death is no longer feared?
