“You may be afraid of flying, spiders, heights, and snakes, but there is one fear that dominates the human experience. We all have it. It’s our greatest fear. It sabotages relationships. It produces existential loneliness.
We’re afraid that if people really knew us, they wouldn’t love us. That’s our greatest fear.
The real tragedy is that by pretending to be the person we think other people want us to be, we destroy our chances at really being loved. Because when someone does come along to say, “I love you” there’s a little voice in our head that says, “No you don’t. You love the person you think I am.”
This is how people end up desperately lonely in a relationship.
Hugh Prather observed, “Some people are going to like me and some won’t. So I might as well be myself, and then at least I’ll know that the people who like me, like me.””
“Resistance wears a thousand masks, many of which are so effective we don’t even recognize resistance is behind them. Laziness, procrastination, fear, doubt, instant gratification, self-loathing, indecision, escapism, pride, self-deception, friction, tension, and self-sabotage are just some of the ways resistance manifests its ugly self in our lives and causes us to settle for so much less than God has imagined for us. You cannot become the-best-version-of-yourself unless you wake up every morning ready to slay resistance. Resistance stands between you and happiness.
Here are 4 ways to break through resistance and stop sabotaging yourself:
1. Be mindful when you are stressed, anxious, or over-tired, and learn ways to manage these states.
2. Abolish “If only…” thinking from your mind and life.
3. Whatever you are feeling – name it and own it! You are not your feelings, but if you avoid them, they will destroy you.
4. Develop one grounding habit that you do every day and NEVER miss. Run, walk, meditate, read… find your thing and ingrain it deep into your daily routine.
And remember, don’t just be yourself, become the best version of yourself!”
You may be afraid of flying, spiders, heights, and snakes, but there is one fear that dominates the human experience. We all have it. It’s our greatest fear. It sabotages relationships. It produces existential loneliness.
“You may be afraid of flying, spiders, heights, and snakes, but there is one fear that dominates the human experience. We all have it. It’s our greatest fear. It sabotages relationships. It produces existential loneliness.
We’re afraid that if people really knew us, they wouldn’t love us. That’s our greatest fear.
The real tragedy is that by pretending to be the person we think other people want us to be, we destroy our chances at really being loved. Because when someone does come along to say, “I love you” there’s a little voice in our head that says, “No you don’t. You love the person you think I am.”
This is how people end up desperately lonely in a relationship.
Hugh Prather observed, “Some people are going to like me and some won’t. So I might as well be myself, and then at least I’ll know that the people who like me, like me.””
I was having my car washed the other day because I’m lazy and old. I always go to the same place, and while I was at the carwash, I saw one of the workers who I’ve met a few times. The man said, “Hmmm…you served in the Army?” Yes. “You were in the 101st Airborne?” Yes, for about three years. . . He must have seen the 101st sticker on my car. The man said, “I saw a movie about them when they were in Vietnam. I couldn’t do what they did.” Well, they weren’t Superman; they were just boys from the neighborhood. However, we had been convinced that we were Superman, and we certainly acted like it with a big red “S” on our chest and thinking we could do anything. I wanted to ask the man at the carwash who had told him that he couldn’t do it. I mean, I’m not Schwarzenegger, and I made it. So, who told you that you couldn’t do it?
It was the same thing that told our first parents they were naked. God asked Adam and Eve, “Who told you that you were naked?” Why did God create us? What’s the first question in the old Catechism? By the way, the Catechism is the best teaching tool we have in the Church. God made us because He loves us and so that we can be with Him forever. He is always calling us to everlasting life. The Gospel tells us, “Go to Him. He is calling you.” Our Lord calls us to Him. Bartimaeus did not take time to think about his fears, and even though he was blind, he went to Jesus. Which is interesting because it doesn’t say that somebody helped him…he just ran to Jesus. Ask a blind man to go somewhere without help. But he did. It is possible. So, don’t say, “I can’t do it.”
Our Lord calls us to holiness. And what is holiness? It’s a return to our original state. The original state of man and the state we are called to is not sin. The original state of man and the one that Jesus wants to transform us to is the state of Adam and Eve before the fall. It was the state of the Blessed Virgin Mary. They were truly human. It is sin that makes us less than human. Sin was never supposed to be in our souls.
The saints prove it is possible to return to holiness. . .to strive for holiness and to achieve the greatest amount of holiness we can in this life and perfection in the next. The saints prove it is possible, and they were just like us. They weren’t supermen or superwomen. They were just like us, but they took advantage of the graces that God offers. God calls us, no matter our state or vocation, to offer us the grace we need to return to holiness. He doesn’t ask us to do the impossible. He offers us the necessary grace to do it, but we must reach out and take that grace and cooperate with it.
Each time we come to Mass and receive Holy Communion or go to Confession, we grow in faith, hope, and charity which are what we call the Theological or infused virtues. We do not get them by prayer or works. They are infused in us through worthy reception of the Sacraments and are activated by works and prayer. Go to Mass. Go to Confession. Acquired virtues you get by doing works. Acquired and Theological virtues give us the power to turn away from sin and live for God. Use the virtues you have. An example is the virtue of music that Frankie has by reading that coded musical language that nobody understands. She has the gift of being able to play the organ and piano so well, but if she stops playing, she will lose the gift. We must exercise our gifts…we have to use them. When you do, don’t be afraid by the lack of results or reception. We are doing it for God Himself. Do not fear. He is calling you. Run to Him.
We take counsel of our fears, and we should never do that because fear is always a lie. The worse thing I ever lived through never happened. We are afraid we might lose something, that it will be too hard, that we can’t do it, or that we won’t have any fun. Anybody can do brain surgery if you are willing to go to medical school. Take it one step at a time. You won’t be asked to do brain surgery on the first day. You’ll have to wait six or seven years before you can. Do not be afraid. The Master is calling you. He is calling us to share in the blessings and joys of heaven. “Does He know all my faults?” Yeah, I’m pretty sure He does. “Does He know I’m not perfect?” Yeah, I’m pretty sure He knows that too. He wants to help make you perfect. We become perfect in heaven. We progress each day taking up our cross and following Him. . . Each day by bearing our sufferings. . .Each day by asking for the grace we need to carry our cross.
Remember the spiritual lie: “Oh I’m good…my relationship is good.” Did you know that’s the worse spot to be in? You have too much confidence in yourself, and that’s when you should be very afraid. Self-satisfaction is saying, “I’m fine just the way I am.” The good Lord will say, “Fine.” Come back when you’re not.” Grow ever closer to Him. We have nothing to fear. Get up and go to Him. In our fallen state, just like Bartimaeus, we will be restored to the way we are supposed to be. So, in the words of Gospel, “You have nothing to fear from Him. Get up. He is calling you.”
Father’s Afterthoughts: I don’t recommend anyone imitating my style. It is particular. I give some people nicknames like “Face” that just come to me. I really should up my meds. On Friday I was up at the VA. I knocked on a patient’s door and called out to him. The patient, Tommy, had been asleep and grumbled as he was trying to wake up. So, in my most commanding voice, I said “On your feet soldier!!” That got Tommy’s mind right. It snapped him right back to the old days. With other patients, you can’t do that, but with Tommy I can. You know Congress made me an officer and a gentleman? Never, ever trust those people!
How will you apply this message to your life?
You can read all of Father Fitzgibbons’ sermons by going to https://annunciationcatholicalbemarle.com/ and clicking on “Blog” then “Categories” and then “Sermon Notes.” Sermon notes can also be found on the church Facebook page by searching for “Facebook Our Lady of the Annunciation Albemarle”
Amid all the disaster and distress that wheels around and swirls within us in chaotic times, there are also always marvels to behold. Let neither fear nor preoccupation keep you from being touched by wonderfully wounded life. May you find a way in every day, to share your great-fullness for all that touches your eyes. May you refuse to be crushed but rather, look lovingly upon all with tear-washed eyes, trained on woundedness, straining for wonder. As you savor the sweet brevity of your days, may passion puncture you, letting out joy, till warmly you are welcomed; a sight for sore eyes.
“What really hurts is not so much suffering as the fear of suffering. If welcomed trustingly and peacefully, suffering makes us grow. It matures and trains us, purifies us, teaches us to love unselfishly, makes us poor in heart, humble, gentle, and compassionate toward our neighbor. Fear of suffering, on the other hand, hardens us in self-protective, defensive attitudes, and often leads us to make irrational choices with disastrous consequences.”— Fr. Jacques Philippe, p. 47
Someone once told me he had taken up skydiving because he had no reason for not doing it except that he was afraid, and he did not want to start not doing things simply because he was afraid. How much good is left undone and how many dreams and hopes are shattered for lack of courage? Fear can steal into our lives so subtly that we might not even recognize it at first. We may think it prudence at first, or good sense. But ultimately it shows its ugly head for what it is, a killer and a paralyzer of action and of the fulfillment that comes from doing.
I have been meditating on the Gospel of the Good Shepherd. Where in the Gospel do we first hear about the Good Shepherd? You’ll find it in Genesis when God went looking for Adam and Eve. They had sinned and were trying to hide, but God looked for them to bring them back. Why did they run from God? They were “necked.” That’s naked for all you Yankees. They hid because they had sinned. They ran away from God, but God went after them. God goes after sinners, because He does not want us to succumb to the evil one. Adam and Eve were afraid, because sin causes fear. They were afraid of the One who loves us. Sin makes us stay away from the One who has the power to heal sin. “We’re going to be punished!” But, this is a great act of love as we see on the Crucifix. He asks us to partake of His love by receiving and asking for His forgiveness. If we run from God after we have sinned, it is an offense against God.
I have heard this statement from a number of priests and others: “I have to forgive myself.” Excuse me..WHAT?? That’s a sin right there. The sin wasn’t against you. You egotistical jerk! The sin was against God and no one else. That statement is blasphemous. It’s pop psychology, and it’s blasphemous. It’s your own fertilizer excuse…you know the word. It’s a fertilizer excuse justifying the act. “I have to forgive myself.” You cannot bring healing to yourself. That would require penance and divine forgiveness. Only God can absolve sin, and only God can heal it. Sin in this world is made manifest by fear. What do people do when they are afraid? They try to hide. They lay down conditions for coming back. “I’m not coming back to the Church until priests can get married.” Do you ask any of the professionals in your life if they are married? “I’m not coming back until Mass is in English, until Confession is face-to-face, or until people can marry whoever or whatever they want.” Really?
Sin causes fear and anger which distorts reality. So, people try to deny that they did anything wrong. “I didn’t do anything!” “It wasn’t that bad.” “You cops are all crooked.” “You priests are all perverts.” They try to deny what they’ve done by lashing out. When a dog is afraid, it may snarl at you. People try to deny their sin and will do anything but say “I’ve done wrong, and I’m sorry.” That fear changes your perspective and it changes your attitude.
I was driving up to the VA hospital the other day, and I always try to find the State Troopers and the Sheriff’s deputies. It keeps you aware, and it’s kind of fun to see where they might be hiding. I appreciate the art form. But, I can always tell where they are just by watching people in front of me slam on their brakes. Why are you afraid? Just do the speed limit. Come on! But, they are afraid. What are they afraid of? They are only afraid if they’ve done something wrong. But, God’s love casts out all fear…not self-love… but God’s love.
God is love itself. We see His love when we look at the Crucifix. We see that love portrayed at every altar, at every confession, at every hospital visit by a priest, at every marriage ceremony, and at every baptism and confirmation. This is God’s great love manifested. I’ll give you some homework for tonight. Read the poem, “Hound of Heaven” by Francis Thompson. Francis was a drug addict and alcoholic. He had fear, and he kept running and running afraid a great beast was going to kill him. Finally, he ran out of energy and said, “Fine, kill me. I don’t care anymore.” When he stopped, he saw that the beast was actually a puppy that wanted to kiss him. The last part of the poem is: “Whom wilt thou find to love ignoble thee, Save Me, save only Me?”
God is the Good Shepherd. But, we have to be willing to be led. Remember what the first sin was? It wasn’t by Adam and Eve, but by Lucifer who would not serve. It’s the same thing when we want to be led by God. We have to say, “I will serve.” “I will follow.” It is sinful to say, “I will not serve.” “I will not listen to you.” “I know what’s best.” We are all sinners, that’s why we are all here. He is the Good Shepherd and brings us home if we want to be led.
How will you apply this message to your life? Are you running from God? Are you fearful and angry? Stop running and let God lead you.
You can read all of Father Fitzgibbons’ sermons by going to https://annunciationcatholicalbemarle.com/ and clicking on “Blog” then “Categories” and then “Sermon Notes. From a cell phone, click on “Blog” then “Menu” and then “Categories” (located at the end of page). There is also a search box if you are looking for a specific topic.
