Category: Articles

Articles from periodicals about Christianity.

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Adults Can Learn Much From Children

Adults have much to learn from children about how to do Lent.

While interviewing children for their first Reconciliation, I asked Tommy what “penance” was. He answered without hesitation: “It’s sort of like a time-out.”

A young mother told me that when her little daughter was throwing her food rather than eating it, she put her in the time-out space. Lucia increased her crying, of course. Her 7-year-old brother spoke on her behalf to his mother: “Couldn’t you just give her another chance?” What a wonderful image of the God who loves us so much that a second chance comes easily.

Perhaps this child’s experience is what Lent is like for us. It’s a time-out. It provides the space and time for us to stop and think about our behavior, all the while knowing we can be forgiven. We all need time-out to reflect on what is happening in our lives: how we are affecting others; how we are growing in our faith; how our family is surviving with such hectic schedules; how we are sharing the goods we have — though meager — with others; what we are doing to bring peace to the world; how we spend our Sundays; how well we strive to be people with integrity.

During Lent, we might read children’s books and watch children’s movies that reflect the themes of simplicity, honesty, love, sharing and caring. Children have the capacity to see humor and foolishness while adults often tend to take things too seriously. Children are much closer to the original blessing of their birth, closer to the God who shared in their life from the beginning. As adults, we demand proof for the existence of God, we are anxious about the surety of “intelligent design,” we are troubled about the church in the midst of scandals. Meanwhile, children go merrily on their way following their parents and basically answering every religion question with the same answers: “Jesus loves me, and God made me.” Those truths seem quite sufficient for them.

Children take us by the hand. Children look at us in wonder. Lent, which carries with it the gruesome reality of the death of Jesus, is seen through the eyes of children as “I feel sorry for poor Jesus,” rather than being a time of concern over whether we are being good enough. Often, for adults, Lent is about “what I have done.” Children see that Lent is not about them. Children draw pictures that reveal what they know and believe about Jesus. My favorite picture was in a second-grade classroom. It was of Jesus praying in the garden. There was Jesus kneeling amid the carrots and the onions and the corn. With signs labeling each row! For the child, Jesus is simple. Jesus is like us in all things but sin. It is easy for a child to relate to such a Jesus.

Children are actually fascinated by the atrocities of the Passion narrative even when we try to couch the language in love. They cannot believe this would really happen to such a good person. A young boy said he knew how Jesus died: “It was the crown of thorns that finally got him!” We do not have to go into the details about the death of Jesus, but perhaps it is this amazing story, simply told, that allows children to recognize that Jesus stood for good and he suffered. When we stand for what is good, we, too, may have to suffer — not death but indignation. Perhaps we will be told we are not patriotic because we stand for peace; perhaps we will be called a sissy because we are not a bully; perhaps we will be called a nerd because we would rather study than waste our precious time. These are ways that even children can suffer. And as adults, we need to be there to hold them up, to support them through these small death and resurrection experiences. Children are involved through the days of Lent by ashes, stories, crosses, “sacrifices,” reading from the Bible and doing good for others. They, too, get ready to celebrate the great Easter Vigil when the “happy fault” is proclaimed. Children, who are too often reminded of their own “faults,” can learn about the happy fault that brought Jesus to be among us so we could follow him, hold his hand, play in the sand around him, jump on his lap, share our food with him when asked and get in his way.

Especially during Lent, God embraces all people. God determines who is worthy to be at the table. God will judge who should live or die. It is during Lent, during this time-out, that we have time to stop, to look and to listen to our conscience, to our heart, to be touched by this God. Lent invites all, even children, to take time-out to change behavior, evaluate attitudes and study about this Jesus who is more than we can comprehend.

Written by Doris Murphy. Editor’s note: This reflection was originally published in the March 2006 issue of Celebration. Sign up to receive daily Lenten reflections.

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Becoming the Best Version of Yourself

Wearing his cap and gown, Shawn steps up to the podium in front of family and friends. He’s barely a C-student, but the valedictorian let him speak in her place. This is how he ends his speech:

“I was thinking about how much this place has been my home, and how many times I screwed up while I was here. And how I could have done better. I could have done better. That’s how I feel. I’m sorry. I could have done better. Congratulations to those who did . . .”

This is Cory, Shawn, and Topanga’s graduation scene of the 1990s hit sitcom Boy Meets World (if you know one thing about me, it’s that I love Boy Meets World). It aired in 1998, but this speech has always stuck with me (I would have been fourteen at the time). Granted, I’ve since seen the episode dozens of times (did I mention I love Boy Meets World?), but still . . .

Five words: I could have done better. What an awful—yet relatable—sentiment to experience at the end of something: school, a job, a relationship, your kids’ childhood, or even life.All too often, it is at the end when I realize that I could have done better. In the moment, I am focusing on anything and everything else. In my pursuit for happiness, I choose momentary pleasure over lasting joy—time and time again. I choose a-second-rate-version-of-myself instead of the-best-version-of-myself because it’s easier or because I lie to myself or because I’m afraid.

I hope you never have to look back and admit, “I could have done better.” But how? You have to consistently choose the-best-version-of-yourself so that, when the end does come you aren’t saying “I could have done better” but instead, “I did my best.”

If you put 100% of your effort into being more kind, patient, generous, courageous, disciplined, and humble. This is your best self.

If you’d like to avoid saying those five little words at the end of every day (I could have done better), if you’d like to begin learning how to better yourself, how to be the best you, understand that it is a decision you need to make each day. Here’s how to become the-best-version-of-yourself.

TWO IMPORTANT NOTES:

Note #1: Choice

I spent about fifteen minutes coming up with the title for this article. It went from “How to Be . . .” to “How to Become . . .” to “Tips for becoming . . .” when I finally landed on the current version: How to Choose The-Best-Version-of-Yourself” [emphasis obviously added].

Choice is the key. Generally speaking, Americans have relinquished the responsibility of our choices. We’ve given this responsibility to whomever will take it so we can be the spotless victim. It’s safer in that role. We choose to believe we are just a product of circumstance and not the author of our own happiness. It’s a lie.

With each decision, you are making a choice between the-best-version-of-yourself or a-second-rate-version-of-yourself. You choose. Nobody else chooses for you. You are the author. Take up your pen, and write your greatness.

Note #2: Never Finished

The second point is this: you are never finished. You never wake up one day and go, “Boom! Best-version-of-myself . . . I’mma make myself an omelet.” You are a work in progress, until the day you die.

Each day you are making decisions that move you toward or away from the-best-version-of-yourself. Some days will be more challenging than others. Some decisions will be more obviously black and white than others. But you’re never finished. Your goal is progress, not perfection. Today, make better decisions than yesterday. Tomorrow, make better decisions than today.

Right. So . . . how do you know what to choose? How do you know when and how you can choose the-best-version-of-yourself? To answer this, you will have to ask yourself three big questions.

THREE BIG QUESTIONS:

1. Who Is Your Best Self?If you don’t know where you’re going, how will you know which direction to go and how will you know when you get there?Likewise, if you don’t know who you want to be, if you don’t know who you are truly capable of being, it makes it pretty difficult to become that person. You can’t even take the first step toward bettering yourself.

Success is this: becoming the best version of yourself.First, think about the best people you know. Not the happiest or most successful, though they may be happy and successful. But the best people. What do they have in common? Are they courageous or cowardly? Patient or impatient? Humble or prideful? Selfish or generous? Are they strong leaders who value hard work, or do they get by with the least amount of effort possible? Write down the characteristics they have in common.

THREE BIG QUESTIONS:

1. Who Is Your Best Self?

If you don’t know where you’re going, how will you know which direction to go and how will you know when you get there?Likewise, if you don’t know who you want to be, if you don’t know who you are truly capable of being, it makes it pretty difficult to become that person. You can’t even take the first step toward bettering yourself.

Success is this: becoming the best version of yourself.First, think about the best people you know. Not the happiest or most successful, though they may be happy and successful. But the best people. What do they have in common? Are they courageous or cowardly? Patient or impatient? Humble or prideful? Selfish or generous? Are they strong leaders who value hard work, or do they get by with the least amount of effort possible? Write down the characteristics they have in common.

Now think about your best self. Close your eyes and try to imagine that person. Not who you want to be, but the best person you are capable of being if you put 100 percent of your effort into being more kind, patient, generous, courageous, disciplined, and humble. This is your best self. Success is this: becoming the best-version-of-yourself.

What does she look like? What does he sound like? What does she do on weekends? How does he spend his free time? What does she do for a living? What are his friends like? What is her family life like? Write all this down if it helps you; it’ll be helpful to be able to go back and reference it when you’re struggling with a decision.

Okay! Target acquired. You’ve got your destination. You have met the-best-version-of-yourself. Now you need your compass . . .

2. What Is Your Best Self’s Purpose?

I have a purpose. You have a purpose. We all have a purpose.You were made for something.

So, how do you know when you’re doing what you were made for? If you’re currently miserable, there’s a good chance you’re not fulfilling your purpose.

Your purpose is your North Star. It is your compass. Each decision you make should be guided by your purpose.

All too often we associate our job with our purpose, but this is dangerous. Your purpose can be your job, but it doesn’t have to be (and I would argue that more often than not, it’s not). Maybe it’s to be the best father and husband you can be. Maybe it’s to be a great teacher, or doctor, or nurse, or project manager. Maybe it’s to volunteer on weekends or to write about traveling or to be a positive influence in a young person’s life or to be a stay-at-home-mom and raise amazing children. Whatever it is, you need to find it.

Spend some time in silence this week and ask yourself: “Why am I here?”

Other questions that can guide you are:

• “What makes me truly happy?”

• “If I could do one thing and know I wouldn’t fail, what would it be?”

• “What am I doing when I feel like I am at my best—emotionally, physically, intellectually, and spiritually?”

• “When was the last time I experienced real joy?”

• “When do I feel most at peace?”

• “If I knew I was going to die exactly one year from today, what would I stop doing right now?”

If you spend a good amount of time reflecting on these questions, your best self’s purpose will come into focus.

Your purpose is your North Star. It is your compass. It might change over the course of your life—because life changes—but that’s Okay as long as you are regularly spending time with yourself in silence to ask yourself these big questions.

Each decision you make should be guided by your purpose. You can then strive to avoid anything that takes you off your purpose’s path. Ask yourself, “Does this help fulfill my best self’s purpose?” You’ll know the answer.

Okay. So now you know where you’re going, and you’ve got your compass to keep you on track. Now it’s time to clear your path of obstacles . . . .

3. What Prevents You from Being Your Best Self?

Nobody wants to be a-second-rate-version-of-themselves. I have never met anyone who has consciously said, “Today, I am going to make bad choices that hurt myself and everyone I love.”

You design your life with the choices you make. You are the builder; your choices are the bricks.

Yet, when faced with choosing the-best-version-of-ourselves and a-second-rate-version-of-ourselves, how often do we choose the latter? While many things in life are out of your control, who you are and how you react to the world is your choice. You design your life with the choices you make. You are the builder; your choices are the bricks.

I make the wrong choice all the time, whether it’s saying the wrong thing to my wife (and knowing full well beforehand), or getting upset when driving (“Hi. My name is Peter and I have road rage”), or choosing Cheez-Its instead of an apple (Italian Four Cheese, if you’re wondering).

So what is it for you? Take some time and really think about it. What is it that you consistently choose that prevents you from being the-best-version-of-yourself? Unhealthy foods, pornography, debt and impulsive spending, jealousy, laziness, social media, gossip, anger, negativity, procrastinating, doubt and self-image issues?

Once you recognize the enemy, once you give the enemy its name, once you accept that you are choosing to put these obstacles between you and your best self, you can fight back. How? Virtue.

Every vice that leads to a-second-rate-version-of-yourself has an opposite virtue that leads to the-best-version-of-yourself. Struggling with selfishness? Practice generosity. Is pride preventing your best self from shining forth? Practice humility. Are you battling an addiction? Practice self-mastery and discipline.

Notice the word I used three times there? Practice.

Practice doesn’t make perfect. Practice makes better. Better is your goal. Rid yourself of obstacles. If pornography is getting in the way of you being the-best-version-of-yourself, get rid of your computer. If social media is getting in the way, delete your account. If impulsive spending and debt are crippling your best self, get rid of your credit cards and create a budget. Take control of your life.

When you’re struggling, say this to yourself:

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

________________________________________

So where do you go from here? It all feels so unattainable, doesn’t it? It seems so difficult and complex. But it doesn’t have to be.

The trick is just doing the next right thing. Not the ten or one hundred next right things. Just the next right thing—one at a time—on the path to the-best-version-of-yourself.

You know what the-best-version-of-yourself looks like (and what it doesn’t look like).

You know why your best self exists and what you should be doing to fulfill your best self’s purpose.

And you know what might get in your best-self’s way and how to rid yourself of obstacles by practicing virtue.

There’s only one thing left to do:

The next right thing.

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AUTHOR: Peter Herbert. Peter joyfully rediscovered the genius of Catholicism after a 10-year hiatus from the Church. Abandoning advertising for evangelizing, he joined Dynamic Catholic to help others do the same. He is a husband, father, writer, director, GK Chesterton enthusiast, and aspiring novelist.

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Stories of Regret – by Marc Chernoff

16 Tiny Stories of Regret that Will Change the Way You Live – by Marc Chernoff

Ten years from now, it won’t really matter what shoes you wore today, how your hair looked, or what brand of clothes you wore. What will matter is how you lived, how you loved, and what you learned along the way.

Deep down you know this already, right?

Yet today, just like the majority of us, you are easily distracted and derailed by the insignificant.

You give too much of your time to meaningless time-wasters.

You step through days, skeptically, with inner resistance.

You take your important relationships for granted.

You get caught up in hurtful drama.

You give in to your doubts.And the list goes on.

But why?

Why do you follow these hurtful patterns of behavior?

Why do you set yourself up for regret when you know better?

Because you’re human, and human beings are imperfect creatures that make misjudgments constantly. We get caught up in our own heads, and literally don’t know our lives to be any better than the few things that aren’t going our way. And as our minds subconsciously dwell on these things, we try to distract ourselves to numb the tension we feel. But by doing so, we also distract ourselves from what matters most.

We scrutinize and dramatize the petty annoyances in our lives until we’re blue in the face, and then we sit back and scratch our heads in bewilderment of how unfulfilling and empty life feels.

But the older we grow, the more focused we tend to become, and the less pointless drama, distraction and busyness we engage in. Life humbles us gradually as we age. We begin to realize just how much nonsense we’ve wasted time on. And we begin to adjust our focus toward what’s truly important.

Are you ready to adjust your focus?

Today, I challenge you to be an old soul—to adjust your focus sooner rather than later . . . to dodge the avoidable regret and stress on the horizon.

How?

There are many approaches, but let’s start by learning from other people’s stories . . .There’s definitely something for all of us to learn (or re-learn) here:

1. “I recently met a super wealthy and influential businessman at a corporate conference—the man has a net worth of over a hundred million dollars. In conversation, he told me he regretted never making it to his son’s hockey games or his daughter’s dance recitals. It made me smile because my total net worth is probably only as much as this man’s last paycheck, but I’ve made it to everything, and my two children always smile and wave to me in the stands during practice and on game days.”

2. “Today is the 14th day in a row that my 87-year-old nursing home patient’s granddaughter has come to visit him. Two weeks ago, I told her that the only time I see her grandfather smile all week is when she visits him on Saturday afternoons.”

3. “In the final decade of his life, my grandfather woke up every single day at 7 A.M., picked a fresh wild flower on his morning walk, and took it to my grandmother. One morning, I decided to go with him to see her. And as he placed the flower on her gravestone, he looked up at me and said, ‘I just wish I had picked her a fresh flower every morning when she was alive. She really would have loved that.’”

4. “Last night my best friend since childhood was put in the hospital for attempting suicide. She’s always listened to my petty problems and asked me how I was feeling. But I’m sitting here in tears now, and realizing that I rarely ever asked her how she was feeling because she always seemed like she had the perfect life in my eyes.”

5. “Earlier today, in the last few hours of her life, she told me her only regret was that she didn’t appreciate every year with the same passion and purpose that she has had in the last two years after she was diagnosed with terminal cancer. ‘I’ve accomplished so much recently,’ she said. ‘If I had only known, I would have started sooner.’”

6. “Today, after spending the past three years constantly hassling and bickering with the 20-something who lives and parties next door, I found myself crying in his arms and thanking him repeatedly for saving my son’s life.”

7. “This morning at a train stop near the hospital, a man and his three young kids got on. The kids were loud and completely out of control, running from one end of the train car to the other. An annoyed passenger sitting next to me looked over at the man and asked, ‘Is there a reason you’re letting your kids go nuts right now?’ The man looked up with tears in his eyes and said, ‘The doc just told me their mother isn’t going to make it. Sorry, I’m just trying to think before we all sit down at home to talk about this.’ And, of course, the annoyed passenger was speechless.”

8. “Today my son turned seven, and I turned 23. Yes, I had him on the day I turned 16. Many of the choices I made when I was a teenager were beyond foolish, and I still have my regrets. And even though I know I’ve grown, I sometimes I get worried that I’m bringing my son up wrong—that I’m somehow subconsciously passing my past foolishness on to him. But today I took him to the park to celebrate our birthdays. He played for two hours with a girl who has burn scars that cover most of her neck and face. When my son took a break to eat a snack, he pointed to her and said, ‘She’s really pretty and cool!’ Which left me thinking, ‘I must be doing something right as a mom.’”

9. “The ‘biggest nerd’ in my 2004 high school graduation class—a nice, quiet boy who I wasn’t very nice to—is now the heart surgeon who saved my mom’s life after she suffered from a sudden heart attack at 68 last night.”

10. “As my grandfather rested in his hospital bed this evening, desperately fighting pancreatic cancer, he squeezed my hand tight and said, ‘Promise me, no matter how good or bad you have it, you will wake up every morning thankful for your life. Because every morning you wake up, someone somewhere else will be desperately fighting for theirs. It’s something so simple and important that I never valued until now.’”

11. “I was recently reunited with an old friend after nine years of silence between us. Throughout high school and college, we were best friends. Then just before college graduation we got into a nasty fight over a boy. Terrible, hateful words were exchanged and we never spoke again, until today. And as we hugged each other, and cried, we acknowledged how irrelevant that boy is now.”

12. “I am a 27-year-old mom to four beautiful children. Everyone in my family told me I was too young to have kids at 20. And there were admittedly a few regret-filled times in my past when I deeply doubted myself and my decision to be a young mom. But what nobody anticipated, including myself, is that at age 26 I would be diagnosed with a rare fallopian tube infection, requiring a full hysterectomy. Now when people say I look too young to have four kids, I feel incredibly blessed.”

13. “Today my daughter firmly confronted me with the fact that my biggest fear, a fear that has undoubtedly held me back from many life experiences, has never come true. And I am turning 76-years-old tomorrow.”

14. “This morning one of my regular customers, a really grumpy elderly man who has been eating in our diner every morning for the better part of five years, left me $1,000 in cash for his $7 breakfast. Alongside the cash he left a small note that read, ‘Thank you, Christine. I know I haven’t been the brightest smile in your life, and I know we’ve even exchanged rude remarks a few times over the years, but your smile and generally hospitable service have sincerely given me something to look forward to every morning since my wife passed away. I wanted to say thank you. I’m moving eight hours down the road this afternoon to live with my son and his family. May the rest of your life be magical.’”

15. “I sat down with my two daughters, ages six and eight, this afternoon to explain to them that we have to move out of our four-bedroom house and into a two-bedroom apartment for a year or two until I can find another job and build our savings back up. It’s a conversation I’ve been avoiding for over a month, as I’ve struggled with the doubts and regrets of not being able to provide a financially stable household for us. But my daughters just looked at each other after I told them, and then my youngest daughter turned to me and asked, ‘Are we all moving into that apartment together?’ ‘Of course,’ I immediately replied. ‘Oh, so no big deal then,’ she said.”

16. “This afternoon I was looking through an old Windows laptop that my dad used seven years ago before he lost his battle with colon cancer. The laptop has been sitting around collecting dust at my mom’s house ever since. In a folder named ‘Video Project’ oddly placed at the root of the C: drive, I found a video file my dad made about a month before he died that my mom and I had never seen before. In the 15-minute video my dad talks about my mom and me, how grateful he is to have had the chance to a be part of our lives, and that he has no regrets at all about anything in his life—that he is totally at peace. He ended by saying, “I know you two will miss me, but please smile for me, because I’ve lived well and I’m OK. Really, I’m OK.”

Let Go & Let Appreciation Fuel Your Next Step

I hope the stories above made you think about how to improve your approach in certain life situations. But, perhaps some of them also reminded you of how you’re falling short. If it’s the latter, I want you to take a deep breath right now. Remember that you don’t have to be defined by the things you did or didn’t do in the past. Don’t let yourself be controlled by regret. Maybe there’s something you could have done differently, or maybe not. Either way, it’s merely something that’s already happened.

Do your best to cleanse your heart and mind.

How?

With focused presence and appreciation.

Just this morning, for example, after coming to terms with a regretful business decision I recently made, and after writing my heart out for an hour, I went for a long jog at the beach . . . sea foam kissing my feet with each step, white sand footprints behind me, and the morning sky bursting with bright colors overhead.

At the end of my jog I turned toward the ocean and took several deep breaths, mostly because the sky, and the Atlantic, had momentarily taken my breath away.

I stood there on the sand and applauded. Yes, I literally clapped my hands in recognition.

Because this is the only response life truly deserves: a fully present, appreciative applause.

Today, wherever you are, whatever regrets or circumstances you’re dealing with, take a moment to really appreciate this gift we call life, and applaud.

Then do your best to give back to life. Do something—anything—to show your gratitude for this imperfect miracle you’ve been given. Be kind to a stranger, create something others can use, be loving to your family . . . make a small difference in your own unique way.

And see how it feels.

Before you go, let me ask you a quick question:

Which story (or point) above resonates the most with you right now?

And how might reminding yourself of it, daily, change your life?

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The Date and Place of Christmas

by Fr. James B. Buckley, FSSP

Ten years after the eastern patriarchate of Antioch began celebrating the feast of Christmas on December 25th, St. John Chrysotom, in a homily to his congregation, said that the Western Churches had from the very commencement of Christianity kept it on this day. Moreover, the holy doctor provided arguments from this date drawn from reason and Scripture.

As Abbot Prosper Gueranger, OSB, writes in his Liturgical Year, volume 3, page 2, St. John Declared that “the Church of Rome had every means of knowing the true day of our Savior’s birth, since the acts of Enrollment, taken in Judea by Command of Augustus (LK 2:3-5) were kept in the publiic archives of Rome.”

In arguing from Scripture, Gueranger continues, St. John reasons thus: we know from Sacred Scriptures that it must have been in the fast of the seventh month that the priest Zachary had the vision in the temple (cf. Leviticus 23:24); the tenth day of the seventh month is the day of Atonement when you shall…offer an oblation to the Lord.” (The seventh month corresponds to the end of our September and the beginning of October); after which Elizabeth, his wife, conceived John the Baptist; hence, it follows that the Blessed Virgin Mary, having as St. Luke relates, received the Angel Gabriel’s visit and conceived the Savior of the world in the sixth month of Elizabeth’s pregnancy, that is to say in March; the birth of Jesus must have taken place in the month of December.

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Forgiveness

It had been eating at her for days. How could he? How could he?! Barbed wire squeezed her heart. Her shoulders and neck ached. Anger blurred her vision. It was too much—too much! She knew she was going to have to do something.

She took a deep breath. It’s now or never. So, she did it. She went right up to her husband and said, “I forgive you.”

“For what, pooky-pants?” I said without looking up from my book.

She just shook her head and walked away. But you know what? She felt better. Loads better.

What’s my point? Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. Holding a grudge torments no one more than it torments you. It punishes no one more than it punishes you.

Don’t believe me? Here are five life-changing reasons why you should forgive quickly, forgive freely, and forgive indiscriminately.

1. YOU’LL FEEL BETTER.

“Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.” – Oscar Wilde

My opening example with my wife wasn’t a metaphor to make a point. It’s a fact. When you let go of your grudges, you feel it. And it feels good.

Forgiveness leads to improved mental health, lowered levels of stress and anxiety, fewer symptoms of depression, and improved self-esteem. That’s right. When you forgive others, you actually feel better about yourself. You feel stronger and freer and more at peace.

You’ll have healthier relationships, too. Obviously, the relationships with people you easily forgive will be stronger, but this applies to all your relationships. This is because anger, bitterness, and resentment are almost never contained. Your negative emotions with one individual will seep—like black, poisonous smoke—into every relationship you have, including your relationship with yourself.

2. YOU’LL BE HEALTHIER.

“Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” – Anonymous

Physiologically speaking, forgiveness is great for your health. It has been studied time and time again. The more you forgive, the healthier you’ll be. The other side of this coin is the damage that holding onto grudges can cause, which includes increased blood pressure, a weakened immune system, and decreased heart health.

This is because your brain is incapable of determining between real and imaginary threats. When you hold onto a grudge, as far as your brain is concerned, the event that led to your grudge-holding is still happening.

What does this mean? Let’s say a loved one betrays you. If you forgive him or her, your brain moves on. The event is done, in the past. The stress of that event is gone, and your body is relaxed and able to produce feel-good hormones like serotonin and oxytocin. There is no threat—no fight or flight stimuli. If you do not forgive, if you hold onto that grudge, it is as if at every moment of every day that betrayal is happening. A literal living hell. After all, a burn wound cannot heal in a fire.

3. GRUDGES INHIBIT YOUR AWESOMENESS.

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” – GandhiI

t is impossible to be the-best-version-of-yourself while holding a grudge. It just is.What does this mean? It means that as long as you’re clinging onto that grudge, you’re sprinting in sandals. You’re rowing with just one paddle. You’re social-media-ing without hashtags (#TheHorror!).

The emotional stress caused by holding onto a grudge actually causes you to make poorer decisions—which means things can snowball for you fairly quickly. Bad goes to worse and you may not even realize why.

Parts of your life that have nothing to do with your grudge will be impacted. Maybe you’ll attribute it to bad luck, but it has nothing to do with luck. It’s a choice.

You are choosing a-second-rate-version-of-yourself over the-best-version-of-yourself. You are choosing misery over happiness.

4. YOU’RE GOING TO MESS UP, TOO.

“Mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage to admit them.” – Bruce Lee

For those who know me (or at least have been in the car with me while I was driving) know that I have a bit of a road rage issue. When someone takes their jolly sweet time turning at a left arrow—because they were probably selfishly texting!—I get pretty rancorous. White-knuckled and blood pressure surging, I may even let fly a choice word or two that best not be repeated here. But if I am distracted at a light (it doesn’t happen often, but it does happen) and I am the problem, I am quick with an apologetic wave. If other drivers are upset at me, they are clearly overreacting at my minor snafu.

This is a weird phenomenon. When we are trespassed against, the trespasser is an absolute monster and must be stopped at all costs. When we do the trespassing, it’s just an honest mistake. Oopsy-daisy, my bad! Carry on. We judge others by their actions; we prefer to judge ourselves by our intentions.

This is called the Curse of Knowledge. When you take an obscene amount of time at the register because you’re paying for that latte with nickels (seriously!?), you give yourself the benefit of the doubt. You know the whole story because . . . well, it’s your story. When you’re in line behind someone doing the exact same thing, you are miffed. It’s obnoxious to you, because—from your limited perspective—the inconvenience is arbitrary and inexcusable. You don’t have the whole story.

There are some people who are able to see the big picture. They forgive quickly. They understand that everybody is dealing with something—that life is messy. And they always give others the benefit of the doubt, almost to a fault.You know what they call these people? Happy.

5. YOU ARE INFLUENTIAL!

“Forgiveness is not an occasional act; it is a permanent attitude.” – Martin Luther King, Jr.

This one is so important and so overlooked, the title demanded an exclamation mark. You know what? No. It demands three exclamation marks. Let’s try this again . . .

5. YOU ARE INFLUENTIAL!!! Yep. That feels right.

Because people notice what you are doing. Yes . . . you!

You have more influence on those around you than you think, especially if you have kids. If you are slow to forgive or if you hold onto grudges, it’s contagious. Others will not only be more likely to hold onto grudges toward you, but also do so with others as well.On the other hand, if you forgive quickly and openly, people notice. They will see how you’re healthier and happier—even if they can’t quite articulate why—and they will be attracted to it. They will try to emulate it.

You matter. I encourage you to act like it.

6. FORGIVENESS =/= CONDONING.

“Forgiving means to pardon that which is unpardonable, or it is no virtue at all.” – G.K. Chesterton

Many people struggle with this concept. They think that if they forgive someone for their heinous shenanigans, they are condoning said shenanigans. That’s not true.

Forgiveness, at its core, is simply the act of acknowledging another’s humanity. We are all flawed. Wonderfully imperfect. Sometimes maddeningly imperfect. Some of us are more maddeningly, imperfectly flawed than others (just ask my wife). But nothing is unforgivable. You don’t have to approve of the wrongdoing to show kindness and love toward the wrongdoer.

Oops. Looks like that was actually six life-changing reasons to forgive quickly, to forgive freely, and to forgive indiscriminately—not five.I hope you’ll forgive me.

“To err is human; to forgive, divine.” – Alexander Pope

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The 4 Essentials for Happiness

If you’re wondering how to be happy, you might be surprised by what I’m about to share with you.

There is no “secret” to happiness.

We all know the things that make us happy; we just don’t do them. We need reminders from time to time to focus on the things that will actually make us happy.

There are four areas that are absolutely essential to human happiness: physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual.

1. Physically, when you exercise regularly, sleep regularly, eat the right sorts of foods, and balance your diet, how do you feel? You feel fantastic. You feel more fully alive. You’re healthier, happier, and you have a richer, more abundant experience of life.

2. Emotionally, when you give focus and priority to your relationships, what happens? You switch the focus off yourself and onto others. As you do, your ability to love increases . . . and as your ability to love increases, your ability to be loved increases. You become more aware of yourself, develop a more balanced view of life, and experience a deeper sense of fulfillment. You’re healthier. You’re happier.

3. Intellectually, when you take ten or fifteen minutes a day to read a good book, what happens? Your vision of yourself expands; your vision of the world expands. You become more focused, more alert, and more vibrant. Clarity replaces confusion. You feel more fully alive, and you are happier.

4. Finally, spiritually, when you take a few moments each day to step into the classroom of silence and reconnect with yourself and with your God, what happens? The gentle voice within grows stronger, and you develop a deeper sense of peace, purpose, and direction. You’re healthier, you’re happier, and you have a richer experience of life.

Eating right, sleeping well, and exercising regularly are just a few ways to be a happier person. We all know the things that make us happy. But we don’t do those things.

Physically, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually . . . we know the things that infuse our lives with passion and enthusiasm. We know the things that make us happy. We just don’t do them. It doesn’t make sense, does it?

On the one hand, we all want to be happy in life. On the other hand, we all know the things that make us happy. But we don’t do those things.

Why? Simple. We are too busy. Too busy doing what? Too busy trying to be happy. That is the paradox of happiness that has bewitched our age.

Ready for a radically simple way to start making your life far happier very quickly?

What is one small step I can take today to improve?

Sit down for ten minutes. Ten quiet minutes. Be completely honest with yourself. How are you doing physically? What about emotionally? Intellectually? Spiritually?

How are you? Then ask yourself: “What is one small step I can take today to improve in each area?” Here are some simple examples:

1. Physically: Today I will eat a healthy lunch at my desk and then take a walk during my lunch hour.

2. Emotionally: Today I will call my mom on my way home from work.

3. Intellectually: Today I will find an interesting podcast to listen to on the way into work.

4. Spiritually: Tonight, before bed, I will sit somewhere quiet. I will relax my mind and write down four more steps like these for tomorrow.

Try this today and see if you have a better day than usual.

Make time for the things that actually make you happy.

If you feel like it works, then try it for a week. Then a month! You may be amazed at how much better you feel—physically, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually!

You might even consider doing it for a lifetime.Instead of asking yourself “How can I be happy?” try asking yourself “How can I make time today to do the things I know make me happy?”We have to start making time for the things that actually make us happy—before we run out of the time we have. So start today!

AUTHOR: Brad Torline

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Choose to Pursue Success. Don’t Confuse it with Excess

Our hearts and souls long for greater accomplishments than the accumulation of material possessions.Think about it. Nobody sits across the table from another human being and declares their greatest goal in life is to own as much stuff as possible.

We dream much bigger dream for our lives.

We speak of significance and influence. We want to be known as good fathers and mothers, husbands and wives. We want to be loving parents, citizens, and contributing members to the people around us.

We dream of solving problems. We desire to use our gifts and talents and resources to make the world a better place. We want to know our lives mattered—that they stood for something bigger than ourselves.

We desire freedom and opportunity. We long to live our life in a way that is consistent with our personal values, engaged in the pursuits most important to us, and creating opportunity for others to do the same.

We think of love, hope, and joy. We desire to be fully-known and fully-accepted. We know the importance of hope in our own lives and desire to offer it to others. We pursue lasting joy in living a fulfilled life.

If asked to define “what does success look like in your life?” these are the attributes and descriptions many of us would use to answer that question.

We desire significance and influence and impact.But then we turn around and spend most our time chasing things that don’t matter.

We live in a world that has substituted excess for success. And we have too often fallen for the false substitute.

n a consumer-driven, possession-focused society, the demand for material possessions must continually increase. Our society works day-and-night to constantly manufacture discontent and need.

The advertisements surrounding us each day serve one purpose: Stir up discontent, hi-jack passion, and get us to consume more than we need.

Excess becomes our definition of success.

We begin to spend our hours earning more and more money. We spend our money buying things we don’t need. We waste our energy and our time caring for more than we need. And then we punch the clock on Monday morning just to start the process all over again.

But accumulating excess is a short-sighted goal. It is not what we desire most for the one life we get to live.

It is not a substitute for real success in life. In fact, most of the time it only distracts us from it.

Excess material possessions steal our money, time, energy, and freedom. Along the way, our definition of true success gets lost in the noise and accumulation of things we don’t need.

Rediscover your greatest goals in life. Reevaluate your most important pursuits. Define success for yourself.

Choose to pursue your unique version of success. And never confuse it with foolish excess.

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What to Do When You Feel Lost (and a Little Scared)

Do you know where you’re going?There are days I feel full of purpose and drive, charging ahead and crossing off my to-do list with vigorous enthusiasm. And then there are days that I feel . . . well, lost. I’m hit with the cold truth that adulthood doesn’t exactly look like an episode of Friends (that show has a lot of false advertising to answer for).

I don’t know why I’m here, where I’m going, or even who I am. It’s during these days that I question just about everything. My job, the town I live in, my proclivity for ending clauses in prepositions, my friendships, and pretty much every major life decision I’ve ever made . . . not to mention where on earth I’m heading (other than to the closest happy hour—ASAP).

It is during these days that I’m overwhelmed by hopelessness. I long for the safety and comfort I had as a child, which I’ve left behind. I wish the weight of responsibility wasn’t quite so heavy, or at the very least, that I had a map which directed me to where I was meant to be, to safety.

It is ironic that, as young children, we are impatient for the days when we will finally be “free.” When we can finally go wherever we want, be whoever we want, and do whatever we want.

Allowing ourselves to dream is how we become inspired and find direction. Have you dreamt about what kind of person do you want to be? Milestones like getting your license, turning eighteen, going to college, and turning twenty-one are often eagerly anticipated as glorious occasions.

Until, sooner or later, you are rudely awakened by all sorts of bills, the high cost of living, separation from loved ones, forty-hour work weeks (and no summer vacation whatsoever), car troubles, and the vast expanse that is the unknown.

On these days, I inwardly repeat over and over again: I just want to go home. I think I understand how Dorothy felt.The problem is that “home” as I knew it doesn’t really exist anymore. And I’m sure this is the case for most of us out in the adult world. Our siblings and friends have moved away. We can no longer depend on our parents to support us, and even they cannot protect us from the decisions we are faced with (although they may try).

If you’re having one of those days (or weeks or months) when you feel lost; or when you’re overwhelmed by responsibility and the enormity of life; or if you are unsure where to go from here, what you are supposed to do, or what you want . . . here is my advice.

STEP 1: EMBRACE THE DISCOMFORT

You don’t feel good. You may be on the verge of snapping and trying desperately to keep your bubbling emotions under wraps. Well, don’t. Suppressing emotions is widely known to be unhelpful and detrimental to your emotional and mental health. Feel what you need to feel. The more you fight it, the harder it will be to move on in a healthy way. If you’re at work or in another public place, go for a walk, sit in your car, or head for any other space you can get five minutes alone.

Treat your emotions as a guest in your home. You can let them in, observe them, spend some time with them, and eventually, one way or another, they will head on out.

You may not be able to do this in five minutes. But you can, over time, explore these difficult feelings by spending time alone in the classroom of silence.

Emotions are like children. The more we ignore them, the louder they get. And if you feed them after midnight, they turn into gremlins. Wait, that’s not children or emotions.

Anyway, if you’re feeling especially anxious or overwhelmed in this stage of life, take time daily to spend time alone and in silence, giving these unpleasant emotions your full attention and seeking to understand why they exist. During this time, journaling can be especially helpful.

STEP 2: PRACTICE PRESENT MOMENT AWARENESS

There is goodness where you are right now.Look out! The goodness is right behind you!It may not look or feel this way. The situation may seem dire from where you’re standing or your future may appear helplessly unplanned, however, I am certain that you have things you can be grateful for at this very moment.

We get ahead of ourselves thinking about an uncertain future, which is why we have to be grounded in what is reality—not fear about what could be.

Whether it’s simply the ability to breathe, a sunny day, an encouraging word from a friend, your favorite song, a good hug, a hot cup of coffee, an epic high five, a paycheck, a warm sweater . . . they may seem minute compared to whatever concerns you’re facing, but gratitude is an enormous factor to overall happiness and well-being. Practicing with the small things will make it easier to see all the good—big and small—that exists in your life.

If you are worried about what is going to happen (whether it’s with work, a relationship, a financial or health burden, or life in general), remind yourself of where you are right now.

Often we get ahead of ourselves thinking about an uncertain future, which is why we have to be grounded in what is reality—not fear about what could be. The more we practice present moment awareness, the more we are able to give our full attention to life as it is and not as we fear it might be. Fear does NOT equal reality. Unless you’re living in a horror movie. And if you do live in a horror movie, for heaven’s sake, don’t go in there!

STEP 3: DREAM A DREAM

It’s easy to get lost in the practicality of the everyday, and then suddenly it’s five years later and you find yourself dissatisfied and discontent with your life.

Allowing ourselves to dream is how we become inspired and find direction. What do you want to accomplish, personally or professionally? Where would you like to go? What kind of person do you want to be? What is quality would you like to develop?

If you need some inspiration, read a book, pick up a magazine, or think about someone you look up to. What about them speaks to you? What are you drawn to? What do you want your life to look like?

It can be as simple as learning how to cook (well) or as big as moving across the world, but our hearts yearn for the things that will bring us fulfillment and joy—and too often we don’t give these “heart things” a chance.

Make a list of things you would like to do, and pick one to begin with. You can do this in a dream journal (a plain ol’ journal for your dreams and goals). Write them down, evaluate them, and pick one or two to pursue at any point in time. How can you get started? What is a small, simple step you can take today? When do you want to achieve this goal?

Whether it’s saving ten dollars a week for a trip to Europe or inviting a few friends over for a small dinner party, we can and should pursue things that bring joy and meaning into our lives. We may convince ourselves that we don’t “need” these sorts of things or that they are not “realistic,” but it is our ability to dream which has brought every necessary change and thing of beauty into this world.

If you have no idea where to start, begin with these four questions:

1. Who am I?

2. What am I here for?

3. What matters most?

4. What matters least?

STEP 4: SEEK COUNSEL

Sometimes you just need to talk to someone. Choose wisely, someone with more experience and similar values to you is important. Peers are great, but very often they are not the best source of helpful, trustworthy advice. Instead, it might be a mentor; a pastor; a hilarious, gorgeous, intelligent woman who writes awesome articles; or just a friend who is a little more versed in the matter than you. Ask this wise person to meet you for coffee.

The process of unloading your struggles and talking through what you’re experiencing can be highly therapeutic in and of itself. You may also get some much-needed wisdom and perspective for what you are going through.

If you are experiencing severe unhappiness and anxiety, it might be worth seeking professional help in the form of a counselor or therapist. While there is a stigma around therapy, it is one of the most helpful and healthy things you can do (at least that’s what my therapist tells me).

As highly relational beings, we shouldn’t close ourselves off from the world when we’re going through something. It’s important to stay open and get help when we need it. A listening ear and a gentle word from someone who is looking out for you can go a long way.

STEP 5: CHALLENGE YOUR MINDSET

“An inconvenience is an adventure wrongly considered.”- Gilbert Chesterton

This quote has stuck with me and is one I bring to mind often when faced with the frustrating, tedious, and uncertain parts of life. Life is an adventure. It’s not an easy drive that you can mindlessly cruise through. It’s full of highs and lows, challenges, beauty, goodness, and heartbreak.

You’ll never have it all figured out—none of us do. But you do have the ability to choose. To choose what kind of person you want to be, and what you would like to do with this short, precious life. You also have a calling, should you choose to accept it (though this calling won’t self-destruct in five seconds, probably). A mission you were specifically created for that will make you a-better-version-of-yourself, bring you joy and fulfillment, and make the world a better place (cliché, but true).

Even if you’re facing something particularly difficult or simply feel at a loss for why you’re here, find comfort in this truth: you were made for a purpose, and no one else can fulfill it.

The world needs you and all you have to offer. You have immense value in who you are—brokenness and all. Don’t let fear and discouragement rob you of this fact. It’s okay to be down, just know that the moment will come for you to get back up. The world needs you to.

AUTHOR: MIRANDA RODRIGUEZ

Miranda is an enthusiast of all things Catholic and has been communicating Catholic values with her writing through her personal blog since 2014. She is passionate about using beauty to bring people closer to Christ and to help them appreciate the genius of the Catholic faith. She also loves photography, music and chocolate covered donuts. Follow Ms.Mirandakate on Instagram.

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God is Love….Choose to Love

A turning point in my life came when love became my default choice for twenty-one straight days. I wondered what opportunities might open up. I wondered what connections might be repaired. I wondered what moments I might capture that I would have otherwise missed. I wondered who I might become.

For twenty-one straight days, I showed up to love—and as you might expect, it wasn’t always pretty.

Sometimes I showed up to love without a smile.

Sometimes I showed up to love feeling ugly, worthless, and inadequate.

Sometimes I showed up to love alone and scared.

Sometimes I showed up to love when I didn’t know what I was doing.

Sometimes I showed up to love when it was the last thing I wanted to do.

Sometimes I showed up to love even when I had a lot on my plate.

Sometimes I showed up to love when my patience was gone.

Sometimes I showed up to love when I had no love to give.

Despite the obstacles… despite the excuses I could’ve made… despite the pressures and distractions of the outside world… despite the mean voice of my inner critic, I continually showed up to love. Why?

Because I never left the same way I arrived.I always walked away a little lighter … a little more at peace… a little more hopeful… a little more grateful… a little more joyful. I found that love was always the right choice. I never once regretted choosing love over all else.

So I showed up to love again

And again

And again.

That repeated action changed me.

Instead of…The One Who is Always Too Busy

The One Who Overreacts All the Time

The One Who Rarely Slows Down

The One Missing All the Fun

I became known as The One Who Always Comes to a little girl whose opinion mattered more than the world.Making it a habitual practice to choose love changed my inner fiber, the wiring of my brain, and my entire life perspective regarding what was important. Thus, I’ve come to believe there is one single action that has the power to transform our lives: CHOOSING LOVE—choosing love as much as humanly possible.

Despite the progress I’ve made over the years, my journey to live my best life is far from over. I am a work in progress, consistently seeking to become a more loving, more present, and more grateful version of myself. Lately, I’ve been feeling like there is more joy, connection, passion, creativity, conversation, and healing waiting to be grasped. Given the negativity and divisiveness permeating our country right now, I can’t think of a better time to make a habit of choosing love. Therefore, I am committing to a Choose Love 21-Day Challenge. Perhaps you’d like to join me…

Why Choose Love?

There are so many reasons…

Tackle an extra hour of paperwork or love?

I choose love.

I will be more productive after taking a much-needed break.

Scream at the driver who just cut me off or love?

I choose love.It will be better for my blood pressure as well as the impressionable ears in the backseat.

Read a text message at the stoplight or love?

I choose love.It could save my life, my loved ones’ lives, and spare me from taking a life.

Hold a grudge or love?

I choose love.

Let resentment be someone else’s lifelong companion.

Say “I can’t play with you” or love?

I choose love.

Seeing her smile as she sets up the game fills me with a sense of peace I can’t find anywhere else.

Get in the last word or love?

I choose love.

Our words will be better heard when we both cool down.

Rant about the spilled milk carton or love?

I choose love.

Spills can be cleaned up; broken hearts are harder to mend.

Post a picture of the present moment on social media or love?

I choose love.

I will remember it more vividly if I capture this moment solely with my eyes.

Complain about the way she’s dressed or love?

I choose love.

By loving her “as is,” I will encourage her to shine her unique light and be herself.

Berate myself for messing up or love?

I choose love.

Accepting my humanness offers my loved ones the freedom to be human too.

Today I will choose love.

Tomorrow I will choose love.

And the day after that, I will choose love.

If I mistakenly choose distraction, perfection, or negativity over love, I will not wallow in regret. I will choose love next.

I will choose love until it becomes my first response … my gut instinct … my natural reaction. I will choose love until it becomes who I am.

My friends, consider the possibilities for a moment: What might result if love becomes your default choice for 21 straight days? What opportunities might open up? What connections might be repaired? What moments might you capture that otherwise might be missed? Who might you become?

Instead of…

The One Who’s Always Too Busy

The One Who Overreacts

The One Who Never Listens

The One Who Rarely Slows Down

The One Who’s Always Grouchy

The One Glued to the Phone

The One Missing All the Fun

The One Who’s Given Up

You might just become The One You Always Wanted to Be…

A Good Listener

A Thoughtful Noticer

A Generous Forgiver

A Take Your Timer

A Belly Laugher

A Risk Taker

An Adventure Seeker

A Silly Grinner

A Moment Grasper

An Enjoyer of Life

Why? Because good things start with love.Show up to love today.

Don’t worry about what you look like or what yesterday looked like.

Just show up to love.

Something tells me you’ll walk away a little better than when you arrived.

Then do it again.

Written by Angel Chernoff

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16 Tiny Stories of Regret that Will Change the Way You Live – by Marc Chernoff

Ten years from now, it won’t really matter what shoes you wore today, how your hair looked, or what brand of clothes you wore. What will matter is how you lived, how you loved, and what you learned along the way

Deep down you know this already, right?

Yet today, just like the majority of us, you are easily distracted and derailed by the insignificant.

.

You give too much of your time to meaningless time-wasters.

You step through days, skeptically, with inner resistance.

You take your important relationships for granted.

You get caught up in hurtful drama.You give in to your doubts.And the list goes on.

But why?

Why do you follow these hurtful patterns of behavior?

Why do you set yourself up for regret when you know better?

Because you’re human, and human beings are imperfect creatures that make misjudgments constantly. We get caught up in our own heads, and literally don’t know our lives to be any better than the few things that aren’t going our way. And as our minds subconsciously dwell on these things, we try to distract ourselves to numb the tension we feel. But by doing so, we also distract ourselves from what matters most.We scrutinize and dramatize the petty annoyances in our lives until we’re blue in the face, and then we sit back and scratch our heads in bewilderment of how unfulfilling and empty life feels.

But the older we grow, the more focused we tend to become, and the less pointless drama, distraction and busyness we engage in. Life humbles us gradually as we age. We begin to realize just how much nonsense we’ve wasted time on. And we begin to adjust our focus toward what’s truly important.

Are you ready to adjust your focus?

Today, I challenge you to be an old soul—to adjust your focus sooner rather than later . . . to dodge the avoidable regret and stress on the horizon.

How?

There are many approaches, but let’s start by learning from other people’s stories . . .There’s definitely something for all of us to learn (or re-learn) here:

1. “I recently met a super wealthy and influential businessman at a corporate conference—the man has a net worth of over a hundred million dollars. In conversation, he told me he regretted never making it to his son’s hockey games or his daughter’s dance recitals. It made me smile because my total net worth is probably only as much as this man’s last paycheck, but I’ve made it to everything, and my two children always smile and wave to me in the stands during practice and on game days.”

2. “Today is the 14th day in a row that my 87-year-old nursing home patient’s granddaughter has come to visit him. Two weeks ago, I told her that the only time I see her grandfather smile all week is when she visits him on Saturday afternoons.”

3. “In the final decade of his life, my grandfather woke up every single day at 7 A.M., picked a fresh wild flower on his morning walk, and took it to my grandmother. One morning, I decided to go with him to see her. And as he placed the flower on her gravestone, he looked up at me and said, ‘I just wish I had picked her a fresh flower every morning when she was alive. She really would have loved that.’”

4. “Last night my best friend since childhood was put in the hospital for attempting suicide. She’s always listened to my petty problems and asked me how I was feeling. But I’m sitting here in tears now, and realizing that I rarely ever asked her how she was feeling because she always seemed like she had the perfect life in my eyes.”

5. “Earlier today, in the last few hours of her life, she told me her only regret was that she didn’t appreciate every year with the same passion and purpose that she has had in the last two years after she was diagnosed with terminal cancer. ‘I’ve accomplished so much recently,’ she said. ‘If I had only known, I would have started sooner.’”

6. “Today, after spending the past three years constantly hassling and bickering with the 20-something who lives and parties next door, I found myself crying in his arms and thanking him repeatedly for saving my son’s life.”

7. “This morning at a train stop near the hospital, a man and his three young kids got on. The kids were loud and completely out of control, running from one end of the train car to the other. An annoyed passenger sitting next to me looked over at the man and asked, ‘Is there a reason you’re letting your kids go nuts right now?’ The man looked up with tears in his eyes and said, ‘The doc just told me their mother isn’t going to make it. Sorry, I’m just trying to think before we all sit down at home to talk about this.’ And, of course, the annoyed passenger was speechless.”

8. “Today my son turned seven, and I turned 23. Yes, I had him on the day I turned 16. Many of the choices I made when I was a teenager were beyond foolish, and I still have my regrets. And even though I know I’ve grown, I sometimes I get worried that I’m bringing my son up wrong—that I’m somehow subconsciously passing my past foolishness on to him. But today I took him to the park to celebrate our birthdays. He played for two hours with a girl who has burn scars that cover most of her neck and face. When my son took a break to eat a snack, he pointed to her and said, ‘She’s really pretty and cool!’ Which left me thinking, ‘I must be doing something right as a mom.’”

9. “The ‘biggest nerd’ in my 2004 high school graduation class—a nice, quiet boy who I wasn’t very nice to—is now the heart surgeon who saved my mom’s life after she suffered from a sudden heart attack at 68 last night.”

10. “As my grandfather rested in his hospital bed this evening, desperately fighting pancreatic cancer, he squeezed my hand tight and said, ‘Promise me, no matter how good or bad you have it, you will wake up every morning thankful for your life. Because every morning you wake up, someone somewhere else will be desperately fighting for theirs. It’s something so simple and important that I never valued until now.’”

11. “I was recently reunited with an old friend after nine years of silence between us. Throughout high school and college, we were best friends. Then just before college graduation we got into a nasty fight over a boy. Terrible, hateful words were exchanged and we never spoke again, until today. And as we hugged each other, and cried, we acknowledged how irrelevant that boy is now.”

12. “I am a 27-year-old mom to four beautiful children. Everyone in my family told me I was too young to have kids at 20. And there were admittedly a few regret-filled times in my past when I deeply doubted myself and my decision to be a young mom. But what nobody anticipated, including myself, is that at age 26 I would be diagnosed with a rare fallopian tube infection, requiring a full hysterectomy. Now when people say I look too young to have four kids, I feel incredibly blessed.”

13. “Today my daughter firmly confronted me with the fact that my biggest fear, a fear that has undoubtedly held me back from many life experiences, has never come true. And I am turning 76-years-old tomorrow.”

14. “This morning one of my regular customers, a really grumpy elderly man who has been eating in our diner every morning for the better part of five years, left me $1,000 in cash for his $7 breakfast. Alongside the cash he left a small note that read, ‘Thank you, Christine. I know I haven’t been the brightest smile in your life, and I know we’ve even exchanged rude remarks a few times over the years, but your smile and generally hospitable service have sincerely given me something to look forward to every morning since my wife passed away. I wanted to say thank you. I’m moving eight hours down the road this afternoon to live with my son and his family. May the rest of your life be magical.’”

15. “I sat down with my two daughters, ages six and eight, this afternoon to explain to them that we have to move out of our four-bedroom house and into a two-bedroom apartment for a year or two until I can find another job and build our savings back up. It’s a conversation I’ve been avoiding for over a month, as I’ve struggled with the doubts and regrets of not being able to provide a financially stable household for us. But my daughters just looked at each other after I told them, and then my youngest daughter turned to me and asked, ‘Are we all moving into that apartment together?’ ‘Of course,’ I immediately replied. ‘Oh, so no big deal then,’ she said.”

16. “This afternoon I was looking through an old Windows laptop that my dad used seven years ago before he lost his battle with colon cancer. The laptop has been sitting around collecting dust at my mom’s house ever since. In a folder named ‘Video Project’ oddly placed at the root of the C: drive, I found a video file my dad made about a month before he died that my mom and I had never seen before. In the 15-minute video my dad talks about my mom and me, how grateful he is to have had the chance to a be part of our lives, and that he has no regrets at all about anything in his life—that he is totally at peace. He ended by saying, “I know you two will miss me, but please smile for me, because I’ve lived well and I’m OK. Really, I’m OK.”

Let Go & Let Appreciation Fuel Your Next Step

I hope the stories above made you think about how to improve your approach in certain life situations. But, perhaps some of them also reminded you of how you’re falling short. If it’s the latter, I want you to take a deep breath right now. Remember that you don’t have to be defined by the things you did or didn’t do in the past. Don’t let yourself be controlled by regret. Maybe there’s something you could have done differently, or maybe not. Either way, it’s merely something that’s already happened.

Do your best to cleanse your heart and mind.

How?

With focused presence and appreciation.

Just this morning, for example, after coming to terms with a regretful business decision I recently made, and after writing my heart out for an hour, I went for a long jog at the beach . . . sea foam kissing my feet with each step, white sand footprints behind me, and the morning sky bursting with bright colors overhead.

At the end of my jog I turned toward the ocean and took several deep breaths, mostly because the sky, and the Atlantic, had momentarily taken my breath away.

I stood there on the sand and applauded. Yes, I literally clapped my hands in recognition.

Because this is the only response life truly deserves: a fully present, appreciative applause.

Today, wherever you are, whatever regrets or circumstances you’re dealing with, take a moment to really appreciate this gift we call life, and applaud.

Then do your best to give back to life. Do something—anything—to show your gratitude for this imperfect miracle you’ve been given. Be kind to a stranger, create something others can use, be loving to your family . . . make a small difference in your own unique way.

And see how it feels.